Refreaming heartbreak- pt 4

The thing we tend to overlook when we (humans) are avoiding hard feelings is that the hard things in and of themselves will not harm us. They won’t and don’t feel good, but they won’t be our demise.
– I sometimes feel physically harmed by difficult emotion: stomach cramps/ start shaking/ can’t speak/ feel sick/ faints (only happened twice).

What’s the worst thing that could happen if you allowed yourself to let the loss be real?

– a loss of faith in the joy and magic of the universe
– I never find a connection that beautiful again
– I accept my needs were hypocritical in it
– grief at the loss of who I might have become in that relationship
– I lose her love and respect for good
– I lose the support and respect of our mutual friendship group
– it leaves me with some difficult truths about my life and what I want
– that I’m unentitled to a queer life
– I feel unsafe
– I breakdown

 

 

Answer:

You have found some important information here.  Let yourself sit with these fears. You don’t have to fix them or change them. If and when you do want to address them, I would offer that you take it one step further by addressing each one and asking yourself “so, what?”  not in a flippant way, but to really see what is behind it all. For example:

I lose her love for good….so what?  Why is that a problem for you?  Your brain will try to say that’s bad in and of itself, but we want to find the stories, the sentences in your brain and the emotions you are trying so hard to avoid feeling. Once you can see it, you can address it.