Relationship thought errors

The recent coaching calls about relationships and limiting beliefs have really paralleled some recent conflicts I’ve experienced. Even my AAC submissions are all coming back to relationships and what I think about them. I have a belief that a relationship equals a connection. You can not have a relationship with someone if you don’t have a connection. This creates a conflict for me because I don’t believe I’m able to connect with people. So then, I believe that I’m destined for a lifetime of meaningless relationships. The story there has to do with my parents being foster children, me being an only child and us not living in one place very long until I was a teenager. I’ve had a belief that relationships are temporary. Either I leave or they do (Story of abandonment by my father there).

Here in the present, and to benefit my future, I want to let go of my definition of connection or that it is a requirement. I remember hearing Maise talk about her relationship with her mother being better now, after her passing, because she can feel more connected to her. I think that I can only feel more connected to the world around me if I’m more connected with myself. I want to be able to let go of the past and forgive myself, so that I can make room for my connection with others. I want to continue to explore this without getting attached to the roots, or stories. Last week I was so exhausted emotionally when I began exploring my relationships. I want to find ways to interrupt that spiral, or maybe even a better way to allow these things to exist and feel neutral about them. It was feeling like a live wire and there were a lot of tears. Thanks, Coach!

 

Answer:

 

This sounds like a very enriching and meaty endeavor – something that will have ripple effects into all of the facets of your life! Go you!

You have mentioned some engrained beliefs here – “Either I leave or they leave,” “I’m not able to connect with people,” “I’m destined for a life of meaningless relationships,” “Relationships are temporary,” etc – which are thoughts that have been repeated so much that they seem like the only truths. They’re not and we certainly don’t believe they are for you. Let’s start by doing a thought download of what you’d ideally like to be thinking about relationships and connection, or yourself as you navigate your way through this. Get curious about the following: What might be possible? What would be a wild thought to think? Is there a new thought that feels within reach at this moment?

Lastly, can you think of any interruptors for the repeat thoughts that will help you navigate yourself out of these thought patterns, or help you notice when you’re stuck in one? What has helped you in the past? What is something you’d like to test out?

Bring all of what comes up for you back and we’ll continue working on it.