Relationship with asking for money as a freelancer – part 3

Hi,
Thanks for your coaching on this, very helpful. I did ask for it and sent a very clear logical reasoning. I also sold myself on it before about me being worth this.
Then she came back and said no essentially, although gave me a very small raise (much lower than what i’d asked for).
I am VERY proud of myself for asking though! It was scary… And the whole process helped me step into a place of knowing my worth as a freelancer, which has really boosted my confidence now – as I see how much experience i have and skills to offer…. So I’m able to go into this year with that new foundation of self-belief and worth.
I wanted to celebrate this. And also explore what happens when you ask for something and you’re told no and how to manage your mind around it?
I’ve decided to stay there for now, because it wasn’t in my interest to move right now – i would value some stablility, and the job is in my comfort zone which will support my other frreelancing this year. The nature of the role has always changed and although it’s not as interesting as what i was doing before, i know I can do it easily and be boundaried with it. So i’m going to make a conscious effort to change the effort i’m putting into it, to be appropriate to what i’m being paid for – still doing a good job obviously, but not going over and above with extra things. So I’m really proud of all of this and for being able to move forwards with this new info. My boss also said we could reassess in 3 months, so that’s a big win too!
Before, I’d have never felt like i could ask for this so it has stretched me in a great way and I’m really impressed!
However, I think part of me feels awkward about it too? I haven’t seen my boss in person since and won’t until mid january. I’m scared about seeing her and it feeling uncomfortable because we’ve had this whole back and forth….
Also I asked a friend for support wording my emails in the negotation process as I know they’ve done this before – and they were super helpful. I learned a lot from their assertive style! But i feel a bit exposed by revealing the day rate I was asking for and what I got, as I know they earn a lot more.
Do you have any advice about these feelings of discomfort around money and relationships?
Thank you

 

 

Answer:

Interesting how you did get a raise but your brain tells the story that “she said ‘no.’ ”  Of course, it is a fact you did not get the exact number you asked for, but why do you think it serves you to describe the conversation this way?

Why do you think it’s uncomfortable to have your friend see the numbers? What beliefs do you have around people seeing other people’s pay? Where do you think those come from? You can do a thought download and some models around this. Also check in with your nervous system. How does it make sense that your brain feels like you might die because your friend saw your pay?