Resentful of Loved Ones pt. 2

Thank you dear coaches for the offering your brains and support on my submission.

It’s quite interesting to notice that I wrote it during my Inner Spring (which tends to be quite a vulnerable and anxious time in my cycle). Right now, in my Inner Autumn, sick at home and after a long week, I feel less the weight of people asking things from me. Just something I noticed.

I really appreciate your suggestion for the R line: ‘I continue to make my choices based on what I think people around me want me to give instead of deciding what I want to give’.

What you offered already supported me at the end of last week. A friend suggested we’d meet at a moment which was not convenient for me and I just said no, and proposed to check in again this week to pick another date. She was really okay with it and we moved on. This is not something that happens often. I realize that usually I go above and beyond to not say ‘no’ and to adjust my own plans, so that I don’t have to get into these lengthy discussions about scheduling. My realization here is also that a) I don’t want to be seen as high maintenance / difficult to schedule time with b) I feel uncomfortable asking people to adjust to my needs, even if the result may be that I feel more energized and present with them once I do see them.

I have been sitting with my emotions to try and uncover the thoughts I have about what this model means about myself.

A few ladder thoughts from my model about feeling resentful of my loved ones who ask for my time:
– It’s possible for me to love people around me without having to be available 100% of the time
– Maybe my friends and family will feel relieved if I am honest about my agenda / feeling stressed
– I am becoming a person who is okay with saying some yes’s and some no’s
– Saying yes against my gut instinct does not make me a good friend / family member
– There are so many people I like and admire who are really clear with their boundaries and don’t say half-hearted yes to people-please. This is possible for me too.

Thank you for this thought-provoking exercise!

 

 

Answer:

What beautiful awareness you’ve gotten for yourself. You’re right, you can’t fully say YES if you don’t have permission to say NO. Make sure you celebrate yourself for your wins.

Keep practicing your ladder thoughts and have lots of compassion for yourself as you unwind thought patterns you’ve held for a long time. Expect that the people in your life may push back and that’s ok. They are allowed to feel whatever they want, but it’s not your job to manage their emotions. Keep focusing on the person you want to be. It might be interesting to imagine yourself at 80 years old looking back at this turning point in your life. How would you tell the story?