Returning to work / “I’m not good enough” / perfectionism

Returning to work after poor mental health

Thanks for all the ❤️ on my post yesterday folks. It really helped me be accountable to look after myself writing it down knowing that it would be seen by you.

I’m noticing that my reflex thoughts aren’t actually the same as my rational thoughts about returning ti work sooner than I planned.

This “gap” hasn’t really been there in my thinking before, so taking a moment to notice how huge that is – the best way I can describe it is there being a conversation in my head between pre-TFC/psychology therapy Kathryn and the post-TFC/psychology therapy Kathryn! The 2nd one is waaaay kinder and nicer to talk with 😂

*I’d really like some helpful questions to help me keep moving through this process, especially around
– being good enough (any suggestions for particular episodes of podcasts or calls where you’ve been coached in this that i can listen back to?)
– approaching returning to work after poor mental health

🤗

Unintentional Model

Circumstance: in order to pay the bills and stay in our current house, I need to return to working as a physio and earn a reliable salary

Thought: my mental health isn’t strong enough to manage working and looking after my family – I’ll end up going off sick again

Feeling: fear

Actions:
anxiety behaviours – rushing around looking busy but not actually achieving anything
Lots of scrolling on my phone
Bargain with the numbers, “there must be a way”
Tell myself I can’t do this
Tell myself I’m not good enough
Spend a lot of time writing down things I can do to help myself (perhaps some of this is actually buffering) <— would appreciate thoughts on this
Go into freeze state – feel fatigued, numb, not in control, tap out

Result: Feeling more anxious; less likely to succeed with going back to work

Intentional model

Circumstance: in order to pay the bills and stay in our current house, I need to return to working as a physio and earn a reliable salary

T: I just have to do a good enough job

F: capable

A: plan time in the calendar to fill in locum job application using my CV from LinkedIn
Talk to my husband about how much better our finances will be in a year from now once I’ve started work again
Be able to breathe deeply again

R: more likely to start the process of returning to work, so it inperfectly but just get it done, and therefore feel less anxious about finances.

Answer:

YES! We love to hear that YOU see a difference between pre-TFC/therapy you and post-TFC/therapy you. So major! Regarding your question about buffering, ANYTHING can be buffering. When you notice that you’ve been engaging in a behavior that makes you wonder if you’re buffering, ask yourself, “Was I [writing down things I can do to help myself] because I was avoiding experiencing or allowing an emotion that I didn’t want to feel?” Take a look at the thoughts behind the behavior! You’ll likely make some potent and interesting discoveries.

I love the thought, “I just have to do a good enough job” for so many reasons, but namely because it sets you up for a lot of small successes that will inevitably lead to big ones. When perfectionism begins to creep in, or the idea that you’re not doing a good enough job, what system can you put in place to remind yourself of, and help you live into your intentional model? As for resources, in the Cycle Toolkit tab of the TFC website, you’ll find several videos that pertain to being good enough (you’ll have access to more the more time you’ve been a TFC member). Start with the Self-Love video. It’s AWESOME. There is also a Doing Less video in the Bonuses tab. Come on back when you’re ready for more coaching.