Rock for rock needed

Hello lovely coaches, I’d love some help on my autumn goal.

This is what I posted in the FB community:
Goal: To befriend myself
Rocks:
1 Respect myself -> keep my boundaries
2 Trust in myself -> don’t ask for opinions before making decisions
3 Getting to know myself -> learning to enjoy my own company

Background: Ever since childhood I have a hard time being alone and I don’t feel satisified by my own company. I have been finding it difficult making friends after moving cities during the pandemic. I am currently single after being in a long-term relationship (5 years). All these factors play into my urge to “advertise” for me by people pleasing and not setting/keeping my boundaries.

After having set my goal and rocks, I notice that I continue to disrespect my boundaries in favor of spending time with people.
So my question is: How can I set rocks for my rock, making it more attractive for me to set and keep my boundaries? Or am I better off by changing my goal?

Thanks in advance for your input!

 

 

Answer:

Why would you want to believe that you are disrespecting your boundaries in favor of spending time with people? How do you feel when you believe that thought? put it in a model and see what you’re creating:

C: describe factually the last time you spent more time with people than you planned

T: I am disrespecting my boundaries in favor of spending time with people

F: how does this feel?

A: what do you do or not do when you feel this way?

R: what result are you creating for yourself?

I would offer the question What if you’re not disrespecting boundaries but just figuring all of this out? You moved during a pandemic and are no longer in a relationship. You’re experimenting with what works.  You’re being flexible.

How you spend your time and who you are with are your circumstance and you get to decide what you make it mean. It could mean you’re not doing your rock correctly, if you want to believe that. But what if it doesn’t mean that at all?