Scared of full recovery

I am recovering from chronic fatigue and made quite some progress so far. I’m really proud of myself for everything that I’ve learned and that I have been kind to myself in this challenging time. I did a lot of mindset work, visualisations etc.

I just realised two things:
– I made a short video with some goals that I’m working towards. It’s mainly me using my body in a way that brings me joy: skating, running, skiing, dancing, surfing. Because that’s what I long for the most. As I watched this video I felt so much love for my past self. How strong I am and what a radiant energy I have in those videos. Thinking back, I wasn’t very kind to myself. I critizised the shit out of me. Now I see what a badass I was in these situations and this hurts me very much how unfair I was to myself. As if I just realised how rude I was to this person I now admire.
– I have this lingering fear of having all of my energy back, I guess of reaching that bespoke goal I so long for. Right now I have created a safe space for me where I can compleatly focus on my healing and recovery. I think I’m scared when I go back ‘to the real world’ that I will repeat old patterns. Like not to listen to my body, to not being able to say no, to be so ambitious that I forget to take care of myself, to putting other peoples needs first. I know that I don’t want to go back to my life how it was before, that I will change things. But still, I feel like deep down this fear is holding me back from recovering fully, even if thats mi biggest wish.

How can I approach this paradox? What can I do to fully trust myself? To let go of that fear that is holding me back?

Answer:

How incredible that you are at this stage, this is a HUGE achievement!

Notice how what you’ve said is very black and white: Either you’re in recovery and taking care of yourself in all these wonderful ways, or you’re recovered but not taking care of yourself. What are your thoughts on that?

I’d also love to know how you’re thinking about the idea of you not listening to your body, to not being able to say no, to be so ambitious that you forget to take care of yourself – what’s your sense of why this is coming up now? Bring back what you discover and we can continue to coach!