Scared of rejection

Hi,

One of my goals is to post more of myself singing and making music on social media as I’ve been feeling this need to express more of who I am and what I can do- control the narrative if you’d like. I’ve gotten to the point where I have quite a few videos of me singing and showing off my productions, however it would feel a little bit like falling off a cliff posting them. I think a lot about how people are going to perceive it, and my inner critic is feasting on thoughts like “Who do you think you are”, “you are being so serious in the videos, people are going to think it’s lame” and “god, why do I always have to care what others think, get a grip”.
Basically I reeeeeaaalllly want to get to a place where I feel comfortable posting and can express freely without the inner critic literally keeping me up at night and causing waves of anxiety, sometimes for days. After some reflection I think it comes down to my fear of rejection and being vulnerable. I dont want to rely on positive feedback and likes, but if I dont get any of that I will probably read that as a kind of rejection. And I am scared of rejection. And it is stopping me from taking steps forward, although I have gotten this far and prepared videos ready to post. Hope you are able to offer some coaching on how I can work with this theme of rejection and vulnerability, and how to get unstuck and move forward.

 

 

Answer:

The way to what you want is by swimming right through the river of uncomfortable feelings. Your brain wants to tell you that putting yourself out there is scary because that keeps you safe in the cave you can’t get eaten by a tiger and your group can’t reject you. When you have big goals, expect to feel terrified.

Make a list of all the reasons you want to put your music out into the world. Then make a list of why you don’t want to. Look at the reasons. Decide which ones you like most and go back to them when you feel like you’re falling off a cliff. Instead of “posting more” being your goal, pick something that is measurable like once a week. Ddecide ahead of time that it will happen no matter what.

In most cases, the more you are able to do the scary thing, the more comfortable you get with it because you’ll start to show your brain it’s not dangerous. But even if you don’t stop feeling scared, your reasons why will help you keep putting out your videos if that’s what you choose to do. It may be useful to spend time doing thought work around your inner critic, it’s up to you where you spend your spoons, but don’t let figuring this all out hold you back.