Self acceptance – 2

Thank you for you reply.

What I think it should be.
Self-acceptance should be me being happy with my lived experience. It should be me not having thoughts all the time about how I should change things, having positive thoughts instead. Feeling calm when the pain comes up. Remaining strong in the belief that the pain will pass, and my thoughts mirroring this belief. Not letting pain and fear control my life or decisions.

New version
Acceptance looks like me being proud of how I handle my life and my experience. Of recognising it is hard, to live with chronic pain. Of seeing critical thoughts, and just watching them, knowing my mind is only trying to help. Of watching the battles that go on in my mind, and knowing I am doing the best I can for myself. Knowing that there is no right path and that if I make decisions that make things worse, I can live through that and forgive myself.

It was really emotional writing this, and I stopped myself googling ‘acceptance’ before writing, in order to get the ‘right answer’. This is just what came into my mind. The thoughts “this is hard” and “I’m doing the best I can for myself’ make me well up, I can’t put my finger on the emotion, but they certainly hit a nerve. It’s nice to feel something other than fear in my body, even if I’m not sure what the feelings is!

I’m scared if I let the criticism and judgement be there, I will be stuck in them always. I try and correct them with a ‘better’ thought. It happens so quickly. The fear is wrapped up in some therapy I have done around getting out of chronic pain, where acceptance of the pain, is central to recovery. So underneath everything, I feel pressure to accept myself as another way of being able to ‘recover’. Acceptance with an agenda!

Many thanks

 

 

Answer:

Celebrate you for allowing yourself to feel, explore and to come up with your own definition of acceptance. Acknowledge that unfamiliar emotion and let yourself process it. We often talk about processing uncomfortable emotions in order to let them pass. It’s powerful to allow emotions that feel good to truly be present, enjoy them, and practice cultivating them. The more we notice and allow them the more often we’ll feel them. It’s safe to feel this mystery emotion!

You said: I’m scared if I let the criticism and judgement be there, I will be stuck in them always. I try and correct them with a ‘better’ thought. It happens so quickly.

What if you treat this like an experiment? Throughout our lives we make lots of decisions and try things to see what works. Nothing has to be permanent, that’s just your brain offering you all or nothing thinking. I would offer for you to brainstorm some parameters of your experiment like how long you will try it and how you’ll keep track of the experience. Make it simple and doable. It can even be fun. Apply the new definition of acceptance and see what happens.  Your inner knowing is on to something here.