Self-coaching – how to avoid forced positivity?

Hello! I’d like help with formulating my coaching models. I’m finding them really useful to plan my day (and life!) and figure out how I’m feeling, however there is one thing that I’d like some clarification on. I have a BIG tendency to be positive about things when I shouldn’t be, and am currently working hard to figure out how to know if something is actually good for me, or if I am just making myself believe something is good for me. (Side note I am very proud of myself for this and how far I have come).

So… with the models I am noticing I do the unintentional one, and then for the intentional one I put in a very positive thought and it all magically becomes amazing. I know models are very powerful, but I am mindful of forced positivity and how to notice when it is creeping in again. Here is an example:

Unintentional
C: Going camping with close friends that I also work with and whilst feeling tired (big week!).
T: I’m tired and I want to go home.
F: Tired.
A: Don’t get fully involved, Wish I was at home, Go home at earliest opportunity
R: End up regretting lack of involvement

Intentional
C: Going camping with close friends that I also work with whilst feeling tired (big week!).
T: So beautiful to be in nature with great people
F: Grateful
A: Connect with friends and nature, Feel rejuvenated from this connection, Have a great weekend that fills up cup
R: Have a great weekend that fills up cup

Any tips you have regarding knowing/ noticing if the new thought is a good level of positive or a forced positive would be very helpful. Thank you so much, I’m very grateful for this community and its wisdom!

 

 

Answer:

The goal of the model isn’t to feel better, it’s to FEEL better. We are supposed to feel uncomfortable emotions 50% of the time. This is a common confusion when people begin with thought work, you’re not alone. You’re close to a really great breakthrough.

The first step is really to be aware of what’s going on. Let’s take a look at your UI model. First, I would point out that your result is not matching with the rest of your model, it’s coming from a thought you have after the fact about how you showed up. Second,  If you have physical messages coming from your body to your brain that you are tired, that’s not a feeling it’s a sensation like feeling hot, cold, ill, physical pain, etc.  Feelings come from our brains and create vibrations in our body.

C: I am tired and camping

T: why is this a problem for you?

F: how does that thought make you feel?

A: how do you show up when you feel that way?

R: What is YOUR result?

Just notice the experience you are creating for yourself. The power comes from knowing that you have every option open to you. The model is a tool that makes it easier to see.  You can absolutely go home if you want to and you don’t have to feel bad about it. There are millions of people who hate camping and they own it. There are also millions who would still love it if they were completely exhausted…like people who climb Mt. Everest for fun.