Self doubt in meetings

I am exploring different aspects of feelings of inadequacy following a fairly recent coaching call. I’ve and noticed aspects of this creep in at business meetings which I attend as a partner.
So my first model is my UM
C – stating my thoughts and opinions in a meeting
T- I am too strong with my opinions
F- shame, inadequate, disliked, a “problem” all usually happen after the meeting is over
S- warm, hands sweaty
A- deciding to be quieter in the next meeting and keeping my thoughts on the issues being discussed to myself
R- dreading the next meeting

This is sometimes made worse if my boyfriend criticises something o have said in the meeting ( he is one of my business partners), but even in my previous business partnership I used to have the same feelings

I also don’t think the above is actually true as I often get really good feedback from my other partners.

I would like to create an IM and am trying to work on which line to start changing

C- stating my thoughts and opinions in a meeting
T- my partners appreciate my thoughts and opinons
F- happy, content, part of the team- belonging, calm, relaxed
S- fuzzy warmth calm pulse rate
A- looking forward to the next meeting
R- contributing confidently at meetings

I think this is how the model could look, but I also feel that I can’t make it happen and wonder if bridging thoughts or if any other strategy might help, but I haven’t worked with these- I’ve just heard about them on modelling calls. I’m looking for some coaching and a bit of guidance
Thanks ☺️

 

 

Answer:

We always want to have only one thought and one emotion per model. You can do many models on the same circumstance. Just be sure the thought and feeling match, then see what action and result follow it. It can also help to pick a very specific situation. What was the last opinion you stated in a meeting that brought up that shame feeling?

What I notice in your first model is R: I am too weak in my opinions.  When you believe that you are too strong, and you notice that shame and nervous system activation, your brain starts to believe what you think. It doesn’t want to be uncomfortable and it thinks something is going wrong.  Give yourself some love. How does it make total sense that you would want to hide? Try allowing some shame. Really explore what that is like for you. Ask yourself why you dislike it so much. If you decide to move to an intentional model, I would offer that instead of focusing on what other people think, you work on what you think of you. Your opinion matters most. When you love yourself and are confident, everything else will fall into place.  A really simple but powerfl thought that might help is T: I belong here.

What do you think?