Sexual Desire for Partner

I am new to the models and feel a bit stuck on this topic. I notice how I am not feeling so sexually attracted to my husband of 7 years. He has changed his appearance a lot since we first met (longer hair/beard etc) and he has been quite unhappy working alone on his business rather than in a dynamic role when we were first together. He has also had some health issues which has got him down. He was never into sports/fitness and neither was I but I have started to get into running and feel amazing. I also feel great about my work/health and life and feel myself sexually attracted to other men but not to him. Is there a way I can get my attraction to him back/how do I communicate with him about this when I don’t want to hurt his feelings?

I get a bit stuck on my model here and would like feedback:
C: My lack of sexual desire for my husband at the moment
T: I’m not attracted to my husband right now
F: Anxiety/fear
A: – I notice myself drawn to other men
– I self stimulate
– I retreat/distance myself from my husband
– I have sex with him but feel clunky/disappointed/frustrated at him.
– I don’t communicate.

R: No sex/clunky sex/disconnection in the relationship and more connection to other men at work/friends.

 

Answer:

Let’s look at your model first. The C needs to be clarified. C: Decreased sexual desire for husband. The thought you have about your husband is, “I’m not attracted to him right now” but I don’t think that’s right because of the feeling you have listed (we’ll get into that soon). Next, several of your actions don’t seem to line up with an action taken from fear…I think you are trying to combine models which is why this one feels sticky.
The clarifying question to answer is this: why do you feel fear when you think “I’m not attracted to your husband right now”? What do you think that means about you or your marriage or your husband? The answer to that question is what should go into the T line. What do you do when you feel that way? What don’t you do? What result does taking those actions create for you? This should help simplify and clarify your model dramatically. We will be offering more regular model workshops in the near future, so be sure to bring your models to us live for more practice!
Like all things, marriages have seasons. This doesn’t mean that you’re beholden to weather a particularly challenging one, or that the challenging season means you should leave, it just is an indication that you’re a normal human in relationship with another human. What if nothing has gone wrong, and that this is exactly where you’re meant to be on your journey? What possibilities rise to the surface when you consider that? Come back to us for more coaching when you’re ready with a follow up titled, “Sexual Desire for Partner pt. 2”.