Shame about not enjoying my job

I feel shame and maybe also guilt that I don’t enjoy my job. If I’m honest, I haven’t been enjoying it for many years, but it is a good job with great benefits and good pay and it’s easy and flexible. I also get a lot of time off, and I have a ton of freedom with how I structure my days. My heart just isn’t in it. I notice that I have a lot less patience for the little irritations that come my way, and I experience a lot of demand avoidance when it comes to my email.

I think the stickiest part is feeling alone in that I don’t want to admit to my friends that I dislike my job because it’s kind of the only thing that is seemingly “going well” in my life, while they have jobs, relationships, kids, houses, travel plans, etc. I don’t want anyone to pity me for being single, unhappy with my work, childless (not by choice), and living in a slightly precarious situation where I have to find new housing in the autumn. I’ve always felt like “Well, at least I have a great (impressive) job, and I can do what I want with my time and money.” That technically is true, but I still feel very bad about how much I am always counting the minutes until work is over. I know I need to work on the shame, but my attempts to self-coach on this are not getting me anywhere. I feel like I’m in a bad relationship that I want to leave but can’t, and I can’t admit to anyone how miserable I am.

 

 

Answer:

First let’s give shame a moment to say what it needs to say. Air it all out. Bring it into the light.  Why do you feel shame about not enjoying your job? What does shame say is wrong with you? No judging or editing.

Now, what did you find. Do some compassionate observation of what came up for you.  Shame says we ARE bad.  Is that true?  (soiler alert…you are worthy and whole exactly as you are). How does it make perfect sense that when you have a lot of dreams that are seemingly going unfulfilled, your brain would want to put a lot of pressure on the one thing you do have to create all your life satisfaction?

See what you find. Here’s a ladder thought for now that you could try on.  I don’t enjoy parts of my job.  and the flip side of that is I do enjoy parts of my job.  Give yourself some love. Being a human means sometimes we are counting the minutes til something is over, and that’s ok.