shame pt. III

Thanks coaches. This was very helpful!

I love the idea of experiencing shame but not making feeling ashamed a problem.
Because of course I would feel ashamed. We are so conditioned to being perfect and productive etc. So nothing is going wrong.

Here are my models as per your suggestion:

C: annual work event coming up.

T: my business partners won’t take me seriously anymore after cancelling 3 years in a row.
F: fear
S: tension
A: think about how my business/sales will go to shit and how people will not agree meetings with me in the future. Force myself to go to the event no matter what. Push myself to catch up with all the incoming work from when I was away.
R: I don’t take myself and my health seriously.

T: This (cancelling again) is so disrespectful.
F: shame
S: Sinking feeling o)in my stomach, tension.
A: make myself wrong. Think about how my business partners will be disrespecting me in the future as well.
R: disrespect myself.

T: I am an inconvenience to other people
F: shame
S: Sinking feeling in my stomach, tension.
A: make myself wrong. Think about how people have made time to meet me, and now things will have to be cancelled. Think about how I am wasting my colleague’s time who will have to cancel with the business partners/reservations etc.
R: I make myself wrong. I put other people’s (potential) needs before my own.

T: People won’t believe anymore that I am sick again.
F: shame
S: Sinking feeling in my stomach, tension.
A: make myself wrong for being sick. I tell myself that it’s not that bad. I push myself harder in situations where I would need support and rest.
R: I make myself small and hide.

T: my bosses will think that I am not resilient and not capable of going my job.
F: fear
S: tension.
A: make myself wrong for being sick. I tell myself that I am weak and that I I push myself harder in situations where I would need support and rest. Tell myself that I might be asked ro leave the company.
R: I make myself small and hide.

Overall, it seems like I am too much and too little at the same time. This makes me very sad. I’m just trying to do ‘everything right’. However, this potentially doesn’t seem to serve myself (or my company) in the longterm.

Also came up with a few thoughts to support me.
I will be so thankful to myself for looking after myself longterm.
I deserve protection and care.
A year from now, it won’t even matter of I went to the event or not.

Thanks for your feedback!

 

Answer:

 

These models look wonderful and insightful into how your brain is making meaning of this situation. How was it to break them down into these puzzle pieces of thoughts? What came out of this for you? What was illuminated? Your supportive thoughts look wonderful as well – notice what’s most accessible to you now and get creative about how you can remind yourself of that as you move through this process.

This idea came to mind: if you’re going to feel uncomfortable no matter what, but one decision will cost you and your health and the other will be in support of you and your health, which kind of discomfort do you want to move towards and why?