Shopping Out Of Control

Just before my first Money Date 🙂 I would like to describe a problem that is bothering me regarding money.

I think I have a shopping addiction. It’s not that my house is full of junk, much more I like to buy expensive, sustainably produced clothes, which I then also wear very gladly, or furnishings, which I then actually enjoy. Thanks to my steady and secure income, I can always pay off the credit card bills somehow, and it’s not a dominant theme in my life, no one seems to notice – I get by just fine. But I think my shopping behavior is out of control and not healthy. I’m always spending all my money, so I can never save up for anything major (I guess my money thermostat is set on “low””).

What worries me the most is that at certain moments, even though I know perfectly clearly in my head that I shouldn’t buy something – I do it anyway, as if automatically. I’m a very reflective person, I meditate, practice various mindfulness techniques, but other powers seem to take over here, my rational brain suspends when I see something great that I’ve gotten it into my head that I “need”. And credit cards and the internet make it so easy nowadays to just order something with two clicks …

I often order something online when I’m bored at work or to procrastinate. When I’m stressed or bored or overwhelmed in my life as a mom.

I’ve thought a lot about where this impulse comes from in each case. Of course, my childhood plays a role – my mother was hardly emotionally available, the only time I spent alone with her was on the weekly shopping trip … So this is obviously a factor.

In addition, beautiful things, clothes, etc. are very important to me – precisely because this need for aesthetics was completely neglected in my childhood (I grew up on a farm and was always dressed only practically). Beautiful things make me feel good.

But of course I would feel even better if I had control over my money 🙂

My questions:
– What would be the first steps I can take to address this issue?
– To what extent could thought work/models help me?
– Any other tips, advice?

A thousand thanks for your support.

 

Answer:

Urges with money can be treated just as we would treat any other urge one wanted to stop following through on. Whether it is chocolate, social media, a glass of wine in the evening our brain gets used to the dopamine hit we experience when we answer that urge. It’s understandable your brain thinks shopping feels good in the moment, but you’ve identified that it is somethign you want to change. You might want to question the thought “I think I have a shopping addiction.” because it sounds like you don’t have any power. But you do. You’re just a human with a brain that has been trained to want to buy things. Regardless of why you are doing it, the action is the same:  allow the urge.

What this looks like it you give yourself lots of compassion and no judgement for what you have bought in the past. It’s done, it’s not a problem.  Starting now, you don’t buy anything you have an urge for unless you wait 24 hours (or whatever timeframe you want to set up, but at least 24 hours). Keep a count on a list or some other way until you hit 100 urges to shop unanswered. This will start retraining your brain to allow urges to be there. They won’t hurt you.

C: shopping (make this more specific if you can)

T: What would you need to think to create the feeling that will help you allow 100 urges?

F: What do you need to feel?

A: What would you do or not do to set yourself up to complete this goal?

R: I allow 100 urges to buy without answering them.

See what comes up for you as you make a plan and fill out this model, bring back any questions you have.