“Single parent” struggles

Background info:

I am married and we have a 5 year old son with Asperger Syndrome. We were living in Switzerland up until May 2021. Myself and my son returned to the UK for him to start school here and for me to have more support from friends and family. My husband stayed in Switzerland due to owning a business there which he can’t work in from afar.
Whilst in Switzerland, my husband worked 7-7 four days per week and on his off days, felt it wasn’t his “job” to take care of our son as he went out and earned the money.
Since returning to the UK I have been single parenting, whilst working a 3x day a week job as a nurse and our Son has now completed his year in school.
It has been tough but I felt at the time, it was the right thing to do as I had little support in Switzerland from my husband and childcare was extortionate so had very little downtime.
I now find myself exhausted and resentful and wondering how to move forward with my life.

Can you help me put this thought download into a model please, so far I have the following:

C= I am parenting alone
T= This is exhausting, I wish I had more support, where am I in all of this.
F= Resentful, tired, sad, angry, frustrated
A=Argue with husband, withdraw from spending anymore time with my son than is necessary & sit and stew.

 

Answer:

You’ve done a great job here with your awareness. In our models, it helps to have a very factual C, which may be easier to find if you choose a specific situation. In the T line, pick just one thought. In the feeling line, just one emotion word. You A line looks great. You can fill it out even more if youwant. What do you do or not do when you feel your main emotion?

What do you think of this version of the same model:

C: My husband lives in Switzerland and my son and I live in the UK

T: I am parenting alone

F: resentful

A: Argue with husband, withdraw from spending anymore time with my son than is necessary & sit and stew.

R: I isolate myself even more

Can you see how your thought that you are parenting alone causes you to create exactly what you are upset about? And the cycle will continue over and over. There is some amount of clean pain here with missing your husband. You also are feeling physically tired. That is all ok and part of the choice you have made on where to live. But the real suffering is coming from the way you are thinking about your living situation and your partner. The good news is, that is something you can change any time you want to.  See what comes up for you and bring it back to Ask a Coach.