Sitting with ongoing stress

Hi coaches,
I am in the process of selling my flat and it’s not going smoothly. The problem could take quite a while to resolve, and I don’t know if it will work out how I want it to. I feel like I’m living with ants under my skin, feeling a constant itchy hum of anxiety and stress as a result. I’ve tried so much thought work around it but nothing seems to alleviate the feeling. Telling myself I’ve done everything I can today so forget it until tomorrow doesn’t work, and nor does rationally thinking through worst case scenarios (e.g. if this goes wrong it isn’t going to kill me or leave me homeless). I can’t switch off the buzz and I find myself turning to anger as a kind of coping mechanism – snapping is a kind of release while also keeps my energy (and defenses) up for more stress. All of which is taking a toll on the rest of my life, and my relationship in particular. My partner is under the same stress and we’re both wrung out.

What if I can’t thought-work my way to some peace? How can I handle this?

Thank you so much

 

 

Answer:

This is the sneaky thought that’s making an uncomfortable situation painful: I should be able to thought-work my way to some peace.

Peace is a lovely goal, except when we are using it to get away from being a human. When you have a problem that is going to take an unknown amount of time to resolve it is normal to feel uncomfortable, stressed and anxious. It’s normal to then be snapping at the people nearest to us. The brain hates unknowns. It is responding just the way a human brain should. It’s ok for all of those emotions to be there as you navigate this waiting period.

Try filling in this model:

C:I feel like I’m living with ants under my skin, feeling a constant itchy hum of anxiety and stress as a result.

T: What do you need to think to create compassion for yourself?

F: compassion

A: allow the stress and anxiety to be there, stop resisiting my emotions, be patient with myself, what else would the most compassionate version of you do or not do?

R: What would your result be?

When we stop fighting the full experience of being a human and allow for all emotions, that’s when we get our power back.