Situation At Horse Stable Pt 4

Hello, I must admit that I’m still struggling when I’m at the stable. Last weekend, there was a situation when a horse escaped (which was no one’s fault). I was there and I called a colleague to ask if she could help me catch the horse. I think in that moment I trusted her more than I trusted myself (also because she’s friends with the owner and the horse that escaped was the owner’s one). She came and simply stood there and gave commands to me and I felt really stupid because I couldn’t find the rope she was telling me to get etc. It was just a really awkward situation and I felt really terrible afterwards. We caught the horse and it was all fine, but the interaction between the two of us just felt awkward to me. And I think this is my problem, I often feel belittled by certain people at the stable and then I start to act insecure. I’m often also very perplexed at how certain people behave so that I don’t reply anything because I’m simply surprised / shocked. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved in my professional live, for example, so it feels even more frustrating how I’m perceived at the stable. I also know that I get along well with horses and that I’m a good rider but I struggle when I’m around certain people and don’t act confidently. In addition to this, I often go to the stable when my “social battery” is empty. I need the time with my horse to recharge. But because my social battery is empty when I’m there, I often have even less capacities to deal with certain people or their comments. And then I feel sad / frustrated and carry that home with me. Horses are my passion so maybe this is why the whole situation bothers me so much. I feel like I’m running in circles with this. So maybe I do need some ladder thoughts! I tried to do two different models with ladder thoughts, one about how I react and one of them about what I make these comments mean.

1) model about how I react
C: people say x, y, z
Ladder Thought: I’m learning to react in ways that feel good to me
F: compassion
S: softness
A: I speak up for myself when I have the capacities for it; I don’t judge myself when I don’t speak up; I can also decide to ignore certain comments; I’m practicing to express my perspective; I focus on the people that “see” me
R: I accept that it’s a journey

2) model about what I make these comments mean
C: people say x, y, z
Ladder Thought: I don’t know why certain people are saying certain things (they could be insecure, etc.)
F: compassion
S: softness
A: I don’t take comments personally; I see if I can learn some things from some comments and let the other ones go; I allow other people to have their opinions
R: I stay grounded

Thank you for reading this again!

 

Answer:

It sounds like you’re doing some good exploratory work about how you can navigate this space in a way that works for you without sacrificing or gaslighting yourself, and keeping compassion in the lead.

These models look great. Check in with your results and how they are tied to your thought lines. Is there synchronicity between them?

It also sounds like there are people who you think ‘see’ you in this space. How do you feel when you think about leaning into these relationships at the stable? Sometimes changing our circumstances (going to the stable when you know your safe people will be present, or making changes to the times you’re at the stable for example) can make our inner work easier to access and our thought work more doable. I’m curious about what scaffolding you can build for yourself when you know that your social battery is low and you’ll be at the stable.