Hello, I must admit that I’m still struggling when I’m at the stable. Last weekend, there was a situation when a horse escaped (which was no one’s fault). I was there and I called a colleague to ask if she could help me catch the horse. I think in that moment I trusted her more than I trusted myself (also because she’s friends with the owner and the horse that escaped was the owner’s one). She came and simply stood there and gave commands to me and I felt really stupid because I couldn’t find the rope she was telling me to get etc. It was just a really awkward situation and I felt really terrible afterwards. We caught the horse and it was all fine, but the interaction between the two of us just felt awkward to me. And I think this is my problem, I often feel belittled by certain people at the stable and then I start to act insecure. I’m often also very perplexed at how certain people behave so that I don’t reply anything because I’m simply surprised / shocked. I’m proud of what I’ve achieved in my professional live, for example, so it feels even more frustrating how I’m perceived at the stable. I also know that I get along well with horses and that I’m a good rider but I struggle when I’m around certain people and don’t act confidently. In addition to this, I often go to the stable when my “social battery” is empty. I need the time with my horse to recharge. But because my social battery is empty when I’m there, I often have even less capacities to deal with certain people or their comments. And then I feel sad / frustrated and carry that home with me. Horses are my passion so maybe this is why the whole situation bothers me so much. I feel like I’m running in circles with this. So maybe I do need some ladder thoughts! I tried to do two different models with ladder thoughts, one about how I react and one of them about what I make these comments mean.
1) model about how I react
C: people say x, y, z
Ladder Thought: I’m learning to react in ways that feel good to me
F: compassion
S: softness
A: I speak up for myself when I have the capacities for it; I don’t judge myself when I don’t speak up; I can also decide to ignore certain comments; I’m practicing to express my perspective; I focus on the people that “see” me
R: I accept that it’s a journey
2) model about what I make these comments mean
C: people say x, y, z
Ladder Thought: I don’t know why certain people are saying certain things (they could be insecure, etc.)
F: compassion
S: softness
A: I don’t take comments personally; I see if I can learn some things from some comments and let the other ones go; I allow other people to have their opinions
R: I stay grounded
Thank you for reading this again!