Small life 3

I having been sitting with that version of myself that needed to justify & realised I needed to let her know it is safe to be herself, she is safe now. But mostly the narrative as been, you are safe because you are not around mum and you don’t have to walk into battle everyday, you can put the armour down.

Then, just recently I spent some time with mum and realised that mum herself isn’t a critical thinker, and in general she says whatever she thinks at the time, and will change her opinion on a whim. This has really shaken me up, as I was again struck by how much of my self concept has been built around mums behaviour towards me. I honestly believe now that mum was never actually responding to me at all, she was just trying to make herself feel safe, and she really didn’t think about what she was teaching me, she herself was just trying to survive in any way she could.

So now I feel very untethered, and sort of like, well what is true and what isn’t? Because Mum has always been my foundation, and now it turns out she isn’t a solid foundation at all, and I can throw out everything she ever said or did to me. But I don’t know what my foundation is as in individual now, and that feels like circumstance to me, but is it a thought?

 

 

Answer:

How does it make perfect sense that you feel untethered right now? You’ve come to some powerful realizations. Keep exploring. Keep putting your new thoughts into models. Don’t forget, you still get to choose what you want to think and what you want to feel in your relationship with your mum. Interesting to see that as soon as you were able to let go of one story that was keeping you stuck, your brain immediately wanted to offer another one where you are not the hero of your own life. But you are.

What anchors do you have available to you right now?

What if this untethered-ness is simply a season. It’s not a problem to solve. It’s an opportunity to create.