Speaking up and out = panic state and self hatred

Hello coach!

When i speak up and out about something I find injust, and I don’t have any response or I have any response which diminishes/ disregards my stance, I launch into a panic state and if i let it spiral then it turns into self hatred. I did a thought download and chose from that one Thought which is in my UM below.

I tried a UM and IM but only got stuck early on in the IM. Here is my UM.

C: I send a message on the neighbourhood chat about our landowner’s actions.
T: Everyone hates me
F: Panic
S: Shrink body, worried face, skittish actions
A: Ruminate and repeat this model over and over, try distract self, go into intense busy-modes
R: I said what I wanted to say, and I’m unwell.

I am in the state now and thought: I COULD BRING IT TO ASK A COACH!

Can you please help me? I really would like to crack this habit. I see some solutions….
1) Don’t send that message in that group chat. Think and pause first: what do i want to achieve, is there a better way, is this the time or the place? Not acting on impulse, but reason.
2) Send that message in that group chat. Be more resilient to people may not like it (whether i imagine them , or they come forwards and say it).

Thanks

Answer:

 

These are both solutions with potential for going and looking forward. But let’s check out this unintentional model and why you want to try out these intentional actions to create your intentional results.

First let’s check out your thought in your UM. Is it 100% true that everyone hates you? Is it possible that there is another way to think in this situation? What does that sound like? Why does your brain go to everyone hates you?

As for your goals for what actions to take and what results you want to create, what thoughts would create those models for you? How would you have to feel to not send the message, think and pause first, or send the message with the energy of resilience? What results would these actions create? Try creating two different models. What comes up for you?