Spring extravaganza 2

Hi,

I know first submission was a long time ago, but I feel like ‘life has been living me’ in this very turbulent summer.
For a while I have been able to make choices that benefited me and not give in to my desire of the moment and I felt like I had become better, but the past 2 weeks, I have completely go and not respected my own boundaries.

Right now, I feel a strong urge to make beneficial choices for myself again. I have this ‘today is going to be the day that I make the decision not to make unhelpful/unhealthy choices again.
But I know I’ve been here before and I keep ending up in this ever going cycle of either, forgetting two days later that that was what I wanted until I make an unhealthy choice again and am disappointed in myself.
Or I am ‘a good girl’ do as I told myself until I get bored and want to break my ‘goodness’ in being completely destructive.

This is why I am writing you, I want to make the decision today to care for myself as I would care for my child. (because this for me has been a very helpful way to think about what would be the choice I have to make, rather than bad or good choices).
But I feel like I have lost trust in myself that I will be able to do that, because I have been at this ‘today’s going to be the day…’ for so many times for the past at least 10 years.
I am losing trust in myself that I will ever be able to care well for myself because I have always ended up going back to my destructive cycles because part of me loves it.
Until it becomes too much and I am disgusted by myself because of what I’ve done and want to become ‘better’.

I know there is the ‘trust’ podcast and I try, but part of me doesn’t trust myself on this topic.

 

 

Answer:

Thank you for bringing this here as part of your self care. Asking for help is such a brave thing to do when you are feeling vulnerable.

We never have to choose a thought we don’t resonate with. You’ve tried on this thought “today is the day” many times and it hasn’t created the result you want so let it go. Even thoughts that sound good on paper can be dropped if they are bringing you pain.

What is happening with you is similar to most people’s New Year’s resolutions. We decide we will exercise every day and then we miss a day and get upset and throw it all out the window. Two weeks later we are on the couch eating an entire cake.  This is because setting a goal of perfection sets us up for failure. We want to set you up for success which doesn’t mean you won’t continue unhealthy behaviour sometimes, it means you’ll know how to handle it when you do. The thought “I’m becoming a person who….” will likely serve you better through this process. Try it on, do some journaling around who you want to be and what your results will look like. Bring your models and questions back for more coaching.  I’ll add a gentle reminder that you are magic. You are worthy and whole just as you are. There’s nothing you can do to change that.