Sticky communication with business partner/sister

When we try and have important conversations about our relationship and the impacts or work, or one of us wanting to take time of that will have an impact on the other – or any number of ‘bigger issues’ than day to day stuff we end up with me trying to help my sister regulate, she seems to end up in tears and often has to take herself out of the situation in order to calm down. I am finding it hard to stay grounded, and I can end up activated but more recently due to lots of work I don’t end up in in fight or flight and its just really frustrating as I know something we are both responsible for is causing this really stuck/unhelpful situation.

I also am finding it really challenging that she often talks as if something is a total fact when it is just her opinion/thought and it leaves very little room for any other position, its all difficult since she is older and that bring the extra layer of me feeling like she’s just doing the usual I know best argument.

I would love some coaching on how I can best navigate the above situations!

 

 

Answer:

What if tears and taking herself out of the situation is the perfect way to handle these conversations for your sister? It sounds like you have a bit of a manual for how she should act. Take some time to write down all the ways you want her to be.  For example:

She should stay regulated

She shouldn’t cry

She shouldn’t leave.

She should recognize that her opinions aren’t facts.

Don’t judge or edit anything, just get it all out on paper.

The way you start navigating these situations is you look at yourself and what you need to support yourself. This may be cleaning up some thoughts that are affecting your work relationship with your sister. This may be addressing your triggers. There are so many options. See what you find in your manual exploration. Notice where it is holding you back from having the working relationship that you want. Come back for as much coaching as you’d like.