Struggle with identity & belonging

I have found myself struggling with finding a sense of belonging and ease when it comes to my my racial identity. I am a mixed race woman but I look white. My mother is Sri Lankan. My brother looks like my mum and identifies as a person of colour. However, I look like my dad who is white and so I have always referred to myself as white. Over the past few years I have started to realise that identifying as white feels uncomfortable for me, and I have been coasting on the privilege of having a white identity as it feels safer and easier. But, this feels uncomfortable as it is disingenuous and I am flattening a big part of myself and my heritage in order to fit in, but I don’t really belong to the group that I’m trying to fit in with. I also don’t feel like I fit in with people of colour, as our experiences will be so different and I feel false. Whenever I speak about being mixed race to someone new I have a feeling of being braced to have to prove myself somehow – I’ve often been told from both white people & people of colour, “no you’re not!”

I suppose my question is, how can I achieve a feeling of ease with identifying as a mixed race woman and find a sense of belonging?

 

 

Answer:

Thank you for your question, you are not alone in wondering how to find this sense of belonging. Any time we make changes, it’s normal to feel uncomfortable. Being willing to allow all the emotions and let it be a bit messy will help you find the answers you’re looking for. Although you’ve always been made up of the same genetics since day one, what’s shifting is how you see yourself and how you relate to others.

This can be a beautiful process as you break down beliefs and replace them with others that feel right to you.

What thoughts and beliefs do you have now that might be blocking you from finding ease and belonging?

What thoughts and beliefs do you think will help you find ease and belonging?

What if this isn’t something that just happens one day and you’re done, but it’s a lifelong endeavor?

See what comes up as you explore this and please bring your questions and models back or volunteer on a coaching call or BIPOC call. Do you feel comfortable coming to a BIPOC call?