Struggling in new house

Hi coaches.

My partner and I have recently moved into our first home that we’ve bought together and it’s bringing up a few things for me. We have lived together for 2 years previously.

I am noticing a lot of control related behaviours coming up due to feeling stressed and scared. The stress is about the current state of the house with boxes, things everywhere, lack of furniture to move things into in some cases. So general disorganisation which I’m finding unsettling.

The scared feeling is around a couple things. Firstly when we moved in we found rats in the kitchen so at first it was a very real “I don’t feel happy and safe here”, now the rats are gone I think my nervous system is taking time to adjust. I am noticing I am feeling scared around us being able to create the home we want together as currently there is a lot of tension and arguing.

There are lots of different thoughts, one of the key ones making me feel stuck at the moment is:

C: Moved into house
T: I am not capable of getting the house unpacked
F: Frozen
S: Tight chested, tense jaw and muscles, foggy brain
A: Can’t decide what to unpack next, snap at my partner, blame my partner for the State of the house, put pressure on my partner to make it better
R: The house doesn’t change and I feel stuck

Thanks for your coaching.

 

Answer:

 

Being a homeowner comes with all kinds of twists and turns, doesn’t it!? It sounds like your welcome party missed the mark when it came to making the house feel like a home – darn rats.

I can sense quite a bit of overwhelm in this post…and in your model, you’re right. Your brain is keeping you stuck in this thought pattern and action cycle. They’re reinforcing each other. For starters, let’s take a close look at your thought and see if it’s true. Is it 100%, inarguably true that you are not capable of getting the house unpacked? Why or why not? Let your brain come up with all the stories about why it’s true, and then look for the holes in the stories – where is there room for a different story?