Struggling to evaluate a connection

Dear coaches,
Recently I’ve been having a lot of great realisations regarding my own boundaries, those of others and how these influence the relationships in my life.
However, while some people’s behaviour is quite obviously toxic, that’s not always the case.
I’m struggling to evaluate a relationship that is quite prevalent on my mind, even though I really don’t want it to be.
Could you give me some guidelines on how to know whether a relationship is toxic , when it’s not obvious?

Is it toxic to want to remain in the life of a friend who has recently got back together with his ex, but decided to cut all contact with me as “not to make her jealous” ? I am not sure if I’m being too good/naive and ignoring my feeling hurt by this behaviour because of my massive people pleasing tendencies or is this an ok behaviour and I should just give him the space and time he needs to feel secure enough in his new relationship so that he is able to have time and mind space for other people as well?

 

 

Answer:

How do you feel when you label someone “toxic.”  What does your model look like?

How would you know if a relationship is toxic? Do some journaling? What is your experience like right now as you process this?

It sounds to me like someone you care about has set a boundary, and you don’t like it. Why is it easier to be angry and debate toxicity rather than feel what’s beneath the anger?

It really doesn’t matter how he feels or if he’ll choose to continue the friendship at a later date. What matters is how you’re thinking and feeling. It’s ok that this is uncomfortable. Loss and change are not easy for humans. How can you be extra kind and gentle with yourself in this season? See what comes up and bring back any models or questions for more coaching.