Struggling to get my head to settle

I’m trying to engage more with the coaching model, as so far I’m mainly just listening to the calls – which is also great. I’m finding that my mind is too busy to settle to much – on the macro scale in my life I can’t settle to any kind of stability or routine which I desperately need, and also on a micro scale self coaching model. The thoughts are so busy that I struggle to pick one and drill into it. My mind will always flit away. I’m so overwhelmed.

This is one I tried yesterday:

Something about stopping making plans if they don’t come together easily and efficiently. Then it’s not “meant to be”. Making plans for myself is something I struggle with hugely – it’s part of not understanding my needs and how to meet them.

Circs: got a message from ex-husband that he’s working next week Mon-Weds when I was planning on going away.

T: Fucking typical, now I can’t go up to London then.
He’s always got plans already when I finally decide to do something for myself.
It’s not supposed to happen if it doesn’t come easily or if I have to ask him a favour.

Feelings: disappointed

Sensations: lump in throat. Drained of energy. blocked.

Actions: Stop making plans. Give up.

Results: Don’t plan to do fun things for myself. Feel resentful of (ex-)husband.

So then I thought just get on with it and started looking up trains for alter in the week when he said he can have the kids. But now I have other thoughts, like the trains are expensive and I don’t have a job and I don’t know if I’ll be too tired to plan it and enjoy it anyway after taking the kids away for the weekend. I’m struggling to sleep so I don’t feel very in control. I’m not sure what to do next. Is the process iterative, so I keep doing a model for each thought that comes up? Or do I create an intentional model around just getting it done?

 

 

Answer:

 

Let’s start with this question – how did you find doing the model for this situation was for you in terms of it’s helpfulness? The model is a tool to build self-awareness. You can do as many or as few of them as you need to understand what happens for you when you think a certain way about a circumstance, and whether you want to change your thoughts.

Sometimes just doing a thought download for a circumstance can be extremely helpful because you give the thoughts that are making a mess of your brain onto a piece of paper. Try starting by making a list about all of the things you think about the text you got from your ex-husband and your plan to go London. Don’t judge, don’t stop and edit, just write as much as you can – take up as many pages as you can manage – that and notice whether and how you feel after just making a list of the things that zip through your mind. Bring what you notice back to us and let’s continue coaching!