struggling with applying thought work

I have been smoking for longer than I would like as a coping/ avoidance mechanism. Perfectionism/ fear of failure (so avoidance) are thoughts that I want to challenge, but am finding it hard to put into action. I had a week of abstinence when external circumstances (family visiting) meant I was on ‘best behavior’ (I hide that I smoke). I felt better, more relaxed, but even while doing thought work around why I want to continue this when my family leave, the longstanding thought of ‘just one more’ took over when they left, and continued (followed a cycle of anxiety/ self-deprecation). I’m newly getting going with the flow collective, and unsure of how to use the thought work/ actions. I recognise the thought ‘have a smoke’ and it’s followed by a feeling of anxiety as my gut knows this isn’t the right thing for me. I’m struggling to apply the thought work e.g. I’m doing it after I have smoked, not before, and coming up with alternative thoughts/ feelings/ actions is challenging- I don’t believe in myself to apply (e.g. they’re true for somebody else, not me- thought error!)- on journalling it comes down to lack of self-belief, love, and listening too much to the old routine thoughts and following their suggestions instead of taking messy, imperfect action to shake it up and do something different. I procrastinate/ avoid.
Goal: get to know my own mind, learn to sit with it and sooth it when needed
Rocks: thought work, yoga/ breath, mindful activity
I seem to be ignoring myself/ thought work… I’m afraid of taking the steps. Afraid of failing again. Even though I know failing is part of learning/ growing. The perfectionist in me want’s to ask ‘how do I do this right/ better?’ feeling overwhelmed that thoughts and actions I keep taking aren’t the one’s leading to the results I know I would prefer in the long term
Thanks

 

 

Answer:

Welcome to TFC, we are so glad you are here. What you are sharing is really common when we start thought work, it’s easy to recognize our thoughts and then immediately feel like we’re not doing well enough because we are still human. The goal here is awareness, compassion and fully living our lives. The goal is not to thoughtwork our way out of all the things we don’t like.

When we are dealing with a physical addiction to nicotine there are urges that are coming from your body to your brain. Just like our body tells us we need to eat or drink or put on a sweater when it’s cold, your body wants to tell you to smoke. This has worked well for you for a long time. Your brain sees smoking as a need, but it’s wrong about that.  It’s easier to light a cigarette than feel your feelings. It’s easier to answer an urge than allow it to be there. When do you most notice these urges to smoke? Write them all down. What are the top three emotions you are avoiding when you smoke?

What do you think would happen if you allowed them to be there? Really let your brain just dump it all out. Don’t edit or judge.

See what comes up and bring back any questions or models for more coaching.