Struggling with Socialising Sober

I’ve recently had a spell of not drinking alcohol due to some medication and have been finding socialising in groups a lot harder than I anticipated.

I fixate on having ‘nothing to say’ even though I know it’s best to just ask people questions and I don’t need to provide entertainment. If I do end up talking to someone I keep worrying about what I’ll say next rather than properly listening.

This seems to mostly happen when there is a large group of people/mingling situation. It’s like there’s a gap between the person I want to be inside warm, chatty ect. and the person I manage to be on the outside who I think sometimes comes across as a bit cold and aloof.

I’ve realised this is something I need to work on as alcohol has kind of been compensating.

C Socialising in a group

T I have nothing to say

F Anxiety

S Clenched jaw

A Keep thinking I have nothing to say

A Avoid eye contact with people

R I make it difficult for people to talk to me so prove to myself I have nothing to say.

 

Answer:

There’s nothing wrong with a gap! We love a good gap because that’s where all the fun happens. Any time we make transitions as humans there will be some uncomfortable feelings. Right now your brain thinks this is a problem, but what if it’s wrong about that? I would offer as a first step that you create a timeline for yourself.  At one end describe socializing without alcohol right now.  At the other end, write who you want to be.  Then take the space in between and start brainstorming little steps or milestones you want to pass.  How can you give yourself opportunities to create growth along this timeline? How can you be kind and support yourself when you notice yourself moving towards where you are now? How is this process like learning to do anything else new in life? See if you can draw parallels to something that is less emotionally charged for you. What thoughts can you let go of? What thoughts do you want to have? Now, we know that nothing in life is truly linear, but I think this will be helpful for you to see it laid out so try it and come back with any questions or models you find.