Taking care of myself

I had an emotional meltdown around having to take care of mother, while not feeling like I’m taking care of myself. I’m having difficulty understanding the difference between the things that I do for myself, that I need to do and doing things that are caring towards myself. My brain is telling me that there is a difference. One is more emotional and supportive in a way that would be provided externally.
The issue that arose between my mother and I, resulted in me resenting her for not taking care of me when I need her. It was mostly childhood hurt but it has spilled over into adulthood because her health is declining. The resentment is that my health is declining also, but I don’t have anyone to take care of the things for me, that I do for her.
Sometimes I don’t want to go grocery shopping, do the dishes, clean up after her, help her with anything and go to work and care for myself. I’m not always physically well either. But if I don’t do these things, they don’t get done. She’s not going to be living with me forever. But I know there will still be times when I won’t want to do these things for myself either. I see these things as necessary and obligations, sometimes, usually when I’m not feeling well.
How do I create space for things that I do because I’m taking care of myself? There is a thought that being taken care of is something someone else does for you, it’s external. It also looks like physical presence in my mind. If something feels like a chore one day, that is enjoyable another day, how can I show up for myself and remind me that I’m just not feeling well? Is this a hard day protocol thing? Maybe I need kinda hard day protocols? Or everything is annoying today protocols?

 

 

Answer:

Lots of good questions here. Keep exploring them. Listen for the answers. You may be able to use tools from the membership but also trust your intuition. Whatever you do, remember that your thoughts and feelings are what will create your results.

I would offer that you look again at your story here. You said “I don’t want to…x,y,z”  Doing things that you are telling yourself you have to do will breed resentment every time. Look inside yourself. Why are you doing these things? What is the benefit for you of caring for your mother at this time, even on the days you don’t feel well?  How is this a choice you are making? What would be different if you owned this choice.

You can stop doing anything for your mother. Right now. You are an adult. You get your power back when you recognize that ALL options are on the table. See what comes up and come back with any questions or models.