Taking care of myself 2

Why are you doing these things? What is the benefit for you of caring for your mother at this time, even on the days you don’t feel well? How is this a choice you are making? This is where I am struggling to separate what I do for myself that actually benefits her by default. In some cases, like grocery shopping or doing dishes, I want to eat and I want a clean kitchen so I take the action,. Living with someone who benefits from my contributions and has a mostly negative impact on my environment is an issue that I don’t quite know how to navigate. This is where I need help creating a safe space in my mind to keep from focusing on the threat or negativity. My intention for my actions are to benefit myself, to care for myself but I then lose sight of that.

What would be different if you owned this choice? I don’t know what that would look like. I’m assuming there would be a very empowered feeling that would result from owning my choice to just take care of myself and allow someone else to benefit. It makes me feel nauseated at the moment. It’s the resentment towards my mother that is getting me stuck. Perhaps I’m linking her inability to care for herself to my negative feelings about not being able to care for myself. There’s probably still some past issues that need forgiveness also. Is this a thing where I’ve got a couple models going on? It does feel a little muddy when I see the past come up.

 

Answer:

 

Well, as humans, I’d argue that we likely have multiple models about almost every situation. It sounds perfectly normal and human to be where you are.

Resentment is one of those emotions that lets us know that something needs a little more investigation. It’s not wrong to feel it, but it’s not a productive feeling when it comes to taking action. What it tends to say is that there is blame being placed on someone else for our circumstance. It’s not objectively bad to do this, but it seems like for you it’s not creating the kind of experience that will help you navigate this time from a self-supported way.

I wonder what honoring the feeling of resentment might look like for you – bringing it in and giving it a metaphorical loving and understanding hug or a safe place to exist, for example, instead of trying to change it and shut it out. Why is it totally understandable to be feeling this way? Can you extend love to the part of you that’s in this model? Notice what it’s like to think compassionately about you when you’re feeling resentful and trying to figure out how to exist in this situation. Bring what comes up back to us when you want more coaching on this.