Taking on other’s emotions

Hi!
My whole life I have struggled with strong emotions and taking on other people’s emotions as well, even strangers. This is particularly difficult with my husband. He is not very forthcoming with his feelings but even without him saying anything, I can feel the shift in the energy in the room.

My major issue with this is with our 4-year-old daughter. When he is stressed or agitated in some way with her, I start to feel that as well. I feel like I start to act the way he is but mostly towards him. I feel like I get overwhelmed with his energy and can’t find my own feelings. The other thing I tend to do in these situations is to strongly defend my daughter even when there is no need to. I feel like I become overly nice to balance out my husband. (To be clear, he doesn’t well and isn’t mean)

I am new here and have limited knowledge of using the model but would love some help on how to not take on these feelings that aren’t my own.

Thanks for your help!

 

Answer:

Welcome! Isn’t it fun being new in TFC with so many great things to learn? Thank you for bringing your question.  Feelings come from our thoughts. They can’t jump from one person to another. You said:

“My whole life I have struggled with strong emotions and taking on other people’s emotions as well, even strangers. ” This is an optional thought. It seems like a fact but it’s a belief that you have. You may have lots of evidence for this belief and you may want to keep this belief. I would just offer to you that you can question it and see if it serves you.

C: me

T: My whole life I have struggled with strong emotions and taking on other people’s emotions as well, even strangers

F: how do you feel when you think that thought?

A: how do you show up? What do you do or not do when you are feeling this way?

R: what is the result for you? I would offer that you don’t take ownership of your emotions. This is a powerless place to be.

You have a great opportunity to take a step back and notice what’s happening with your husband and daughter. Start just being aware of what is happening for you when he begins speaking or acting in a way that you interpret as stressed or agitated. As you start trying more models, you can put his exact behaviour in the C line and notice that you could have an infinite number of thoughts about it. That’s where you’ll start to feel more empowered around other humans with emotions.  The Model Workshop is a great place to start if you haven’t had a chance to watch it yet.