Telling parents we are moving

Hi there,
Myself and my husband have made the decision to move to New Zealand from the UK (something that feels very right for us, and a dream we have had for a long time)

The thing that’s making me most anxious is telling my parents, whom I am very close to, although the relationship with my Mum is loving but complex and I’ve been having some therapy around this recently. She is a wonderful loving mum but can be controlling and complex (confusing even with traits of bipolar/personality disorder)

Some feedback on the model around telling my parents would be appreciated
Unintentional
C – telling parents we are moving abroad
T – they will be upset/disappointed/disapprove with our decision and try to persuade us not to move
F – Worried anxious doubt
A – worry, stress myself out think about this rather than the move
R – doubt the decision we have made and not move

Intentional
C – telling parents we are moving abroad
T – excited that we have made this decision and it’s right for us
F- excited
A – plan and prepare to move
R – Feel confident in our decision no doubts

Thanks so much for your time and response in advance

Answer:

First thing is first, you are also living MY dream of moving to New Zealand! What an adventure!

Second, let’s dive into your model. What I notice right away is that your T line has two thoughts in it:

My parents will be disappointed (or whatever word you choose).
My parents will try to persuade us not to move.

What I notice second is your F line has three different emotions. Which feeling belongs to which thought? Can you parse it out? If you can’t, that’s okay, but either way, choose the dominant feeling for your model. You can’t go wrong if this seems murky – doing this will help you get clarity no matter what.

Right now, your brain is telling you that the worst case scenario is the most likely to happen, and that makes so much sense. Your brain is trying to predict the future so you can protect yourself adequately. It’s doing it’s job. But I want you to notice that the thing that is hard about this is how you will feel if your parents have thoughts about you. Is there a scenario in which it makes so much sense that they might have a response that feels hard for you and that’s okay? On the other hand, is there another possible outcome in which they are so proud of you for doing something you’re excited about?

When you stop trying to control for their response, and can fully leave that to them, what are you left with to manage?