The hustle 3

I have been sitting with this coaching and I think my inner critic is myself, telling me I’ve betrayed myself every time I fall short of my own aspirations.
I think the beliefs come from my younger self rejecting the behaviours and patterns I experienced with my parents and the voice is ‘I will not be like them’ and being ‘right’ is about not needing them, not living like they do, which leads me to try to prove to myself that I am safe, even if I exist outside the safety of the pack (they have close relationships with my siblings). But I also want support of some kind and to belong somewhere so I seek other identities I can find.

Compassion sounds like – I’m sorry when you turned to mum & dad for guidance/love/support let you down and made you feel othered and less than, that really hurts. Letting you down doesn’t make them terrible people, even though it made you feel unsupported, alone and rejected by them.

C.
T. I need to be …. so I belong somewhere else.
F. overwhelmed
S. Tight chest
A. look for acceptance and belonging outside of myself
Try new activities and start to use them to define myself
Put pressure on myself to perfect those identities so that I don’t get rejected or reject myself
Feel conflicted every time I interact with the people I decided I would not be like
Feel conflicted when I recognise similar behaviours in myself.
R. Feel unsafe when I fall short of my own aspirations to be different to them

But all the above has also highlighted that part of me wants to meet their idea’s of what success looks like (thin, rich, marriage, children) and I want to get there via a different path, to ultimately prove to myself that I’m not like them because I went about it a different way, and also a little bit of – I’m better than you because I went about it without hurting others.

This is a lot of pressure to put on a consistent yoga practice!

 

 

Answer:

Gently celebrating these insights with you, especially the part where you gave yourself the space to sit with it. How are does this information feel as you look over it? I would offer that if it feels available to you that you could write a letter to your parents that you won’t send. Thank them for all the things that have led you to where you are today.  You may also want to write a letter to your younger self telling you everything you needed to hear.

Moving forward when you’re ready, two questions are: What do you want?  Why do you want it?  This is where you get to choose intentionally. Step into your power.  Stay open and curious. What if you already belong and there’s nothing you can do to change that?