Thought work internet shopping returns

I’d like some coaching around these models. I’m realising I’m a bit stuck in these Unintentional models when I change my mind about something I’ve bought online. Unless I can take the items back immediately (which isn’t always possible for me) I get into a stress response.

Unintentional Model
C: taking refunds to post office
T: I shouldn’t have bought those things
F: shame
A: urgency and over thinking around taking them back to make the feeling go away. find it hard to focus on other things until that is done
R: I shame myself for my decision to buy them in the first place

Unintentional model
C: taking refunds to post office/premi news
T: if I don’t take them straight away something will go wrong and I’ll loose the money
F: panic
A: urgency and over thinking around taking them back to make the feeling go away, find it hard to focus on other things until that is done
R: I experience panic about taking the items back

Intentional model
C: taking refunds back
T: I have decided I don’t need these items
F: decisive
A: I find a time to take them back that suits me
R: I have made a decision and follow it through

Thanks for your help

 

Answer:

Great work on your models. Try getting very specific about your circumstance. This is a really  helpful step in self coaching because we can become much more objective as we show our brain a different way of looking at things. For example, C: I returned x items at 2:45 pm on 21 July. That is a fact, it’s indisputable.

You’ll then be able to really clearly see that your experience is being created by what you are thinking.

When you do an intentional model, stay with that same circumstance that is now in the past and decide what you want to think about it now.  Once you have done these steps and been able to process some of what’s happening, then you can work on an intentional model for the next time you want to return something.