Thank you for your answer. What I’ve realized over the past couple of days / weeks is than I long for connection, genuine connection. I’ve already made some efforts to create that kind of connection: I’ve reached out to friends and visited them and played with their children, I shared details about a horse-riding course and asked if someone wanted to join me, I spent a lovely day with my parents in the sunshine, I met with a colleague in order to correct exams together. I guess previously I often shied away from some forms of connection because I thought I would be alone anyway after I’ve felt that connection (because I live alone / don’t have a romantic relationship) so what’s the point, which clearly has been a thought error. I like my job and other parts of my life and I want to focus more on (constant) connection going forward, in many different ways (also including a relationship). So maybe the first step is to allow myself to have that kind of connection and really treasure it while also continuing to doing my work. That’s where I’m at at the moment.
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