Thoughts after Open Coaching Call with Maisie!

Wow! What a call, lots came up for me….

Something that’s been bothering me since joining TFC is how I struggle to feel emotion / name the feeling line in the model. My partner always says that I don’t show emotion / never get excited and this is something that really bothers me and I don’t know what to do about it.

Whilst listening to Elana’s coaching, I wondered if I’m often in a freeze state. Although I feel happy with my life at where I’m at, I often get scary thoughts like Maisie mentioned she had after COVID. I have thoughts about my partner dying (he always jokes that he’ll die at 27 because he’s such a legend and he’s 27 now). These thoughts are so extreme that I worry when we’re apart that something will happen to him. He’s going to Manchester next week (a 5/6 hour drive). And I always worry something will happen to him in a car. And then I get my self even more worked up because I think the more I think something is going to happen, the more of a chance something will (law of attraction). And this realllllyyyy stresses me out. I’ve been having a lot of long menstrual cycles (up to 54 days) so I’m wondering if my nervous system is constantly between fight or flight and freeze.

Maisie mentioned that when you’re in a freeze state (trying to survive) you have thoughts of survival. So now I’m wondering if I am in a ‘freeze state’ a lot of the time and this is why I can’t notice & name / feel emotions.

I will try to put these thoughts in to a model below.

C – Don’t feel emotions
T – Why can’t I name how I’m feeling
F – Annoyed / empty / emotionless
A – Get annoyed at myself that I can’t feel emotions
R – Don’t feel emotions

I don’t really know where I’m going with this but maybe I’m looking for tools that will help my tend to my nervous system / know what I’m feeling. I also really struggle to feel present a lot of the time.

 

Answer:

Whenever you have a question in the thought line, answer it. Why can’t you name how you are feeling? Rather than saying “I don’t know” just take some guesses or do a thought download.

You mentioned in your question a lot of these thoughts like:

I wondered if I’m often in a freeze state

I struggle to feel emotion

I don’t know what to do about it.

Notice how your brain is spending a lot of energy trying to figure this out, and at the same time it is telling you that you can’t.  That is why you’re feeling stuck.  But you don’t have to believe everything your brain tells you.

What if you don’t even need to be able to name your feelings? If you want to, I would suggest looking up an emotion wheel, finding a pretty one you like and printing it out to use as a reference. A great place to start with all of this is working on loving yourself exactly as you are.  Maybe you are in a freeze state, maybe you just are starting on the path to becoming a person who can name their emotions, and none of it is a problem. Think about that and about your experiences worrying about your husband and bring your questions and models back to Ask a coach.