Thoughts around 1st business year income

Hi,
I’ve done some coaching on this previously, but at the end of this business tax year I earned around £20k. It was my first year of freelancing, and I wasn’t doing it continuously, due to pausing to focus on a book proposal. Then when I came back to it, it felt like starting from scratch in the last few months and I didn’t make much progress with getting commissions.
Anyway, I have felt a lot of shame around this number. It is the lowest I’ve ever earned in my life. And it brings up a lot of emotion and panic, due to my relationship with money – growing up in a low income family, internalising that worry, and perhaps that growing an idea of success = money.
It is hard not to feel like a ‘failure’ based on that as a measure.
I went to a high achieving university and am surrounded by friends who earn a lot and own houses… I’m in my early 30s and don’t own a flat.
So there is a lot of shame around it.
On a practical level too, it isn’t financially sustainable to continue my business like this, because it isn’t enough to support my lifestyle. I used a chunk of money that I’d got from redunancy last year to supplement the lower income.
Anyway, I want to draw a line under it now and move on – but I feel it nagging at me! Do you have any tips on letting go of the meaning I’ve invested in it so I can move forwards?
Thank you!

Answer:

It’s so interesting that our brains tell us that if it’s one way, one time, it will be like that forever and it means the worst things will come true – I’ll never be successful, I don’t own a flat, I have something to be ashamed about. Those are certainly ways that you can think about making $20k in your first year as a freelance writer who took time to draft a book proposal. If you could zoom out for a moment, what are some other possible things you could think about your year? If that seems like a big leap, try this on: what could another person with a different perspective in the same exact situation as you think about it? Are there any thoughts you’d like to hang on to or try out for a bit?