Thoughts/Feelings About Work Part 7

You’re totally not wrong, fear is totally behind the wheel here!! A few things came up for the question, “what kind of emotional quality do you want to be making this decision from” and they were trust, safety, loving, easy.

Success is a few of things for me:
1. It’s feeling like I’m achieving something everyday in something I want to do be doing. It’s feeling like I’m creating something worthwhile.
(I know success can feel big and small and come from many different things.)
2. And having this clean smooth career path, not going from one thing to another like I feel I have. That’s a silly one, I know. Because I know from doing different things you learn what you like/don’t like and learn valuable skills and experiences. I think that’s more a comparison between my “journey” and others and a feeling of failure because I thought I would follow one career path.
3. It feels like I’m working towards something. I know where I’m going, I have direction and the next point to get to. I don’t feel lost like I currently feel, guessing what to do next with what skills I can pluck together.

I mentioned in a previous entry about a job I’d apply for and landed an interview. I passed through to the writing task and have now got a face-to-face interview early next week.
Throughout the whole process I’ve felt unsettled, confused and scared. I’ve wondered if I even want the job anymore (obviously I still might not get it) and if I should stay in my current job and create more things there.
I’ve been wondering if I’m going for this job to escape the current feelings I have towards my job/career. There’s still things I can do in my current role but I’ve questioned if it’s really things I want to pursue.
The idea of changing jobs and feeling more satisfied felt more easier than actually making the change.

Another big worry is the job I’ve applied for means commuting to London again and I’m worried about the cost of commuting, both financially, mentally and physically. A lot of the roles I’d prefer to apply for are London based and I don’t think moving there is an option (or even something I particularly want to do)

I’m telling myself different things and not letting them be ok. For example, I tell myself I don’t really want to be in my job long term but then make that a bad thing. Or I tell myself, yeah I mean this potential new job isn’t my dream one but think it sounds good.

I’m also creating this thinking that I should wait to move on from my current job until a position comes up in X field I want to go in to, or that other field, or that field over there I also would love to persue, when really these opportunities might not be there and even if they are there’s no guarantee they’d be available to me. Or they might become available to me if I was to take this job if I’m successful.
I’m also comparing. A friend recently changed jobs in to a field in fashion marketing I didn’t even know existed and my first thought was “omg is it that I should be doing?”

I feel pretty lost and lonely in all this to be honest. I know nobody else can make this decision for me (if I was to get the job offer) or tell me where I should go or what I should be doing. But I don’t know what I should be asking/telling myself to come out of the above thinking pattern and unhealthy actions.

 

 

Answer:

How wonderful to have so many things you are interesting in doing for work! How did the interview go if you’ve had it? If you haven’t, what are you doing to prepare yourself? A thought that I love when everything feels confusing is “Action brings clarity.” And you’re doing that. What clarity have you earned through this process of applying to another job?