Thoughts on moving in with a partner – Part 2

Thank you for your answer, I am happy to continue working on this topic. I have done some thought download in the last weeks and came up with the following U.M. changing the C line from “Moving in” to “Not moving in”. I discovered quite a few things!

C: Not moving in with my boyfriend
T: Our relationship will not develop
F: Sad
A: I will blame myself for not allowing our relationship to develop fully. I will keep asking myself what it would look like if we moved in.
R: I decide that our relationship will not develop

C: Not moving in with my boyfriend
T: I am not willing to fully commit to our relationship
F: Guilt
A: I make myself responsible for the success of our relationship. I don’t allow our relationship to develop.
R: I don’t allow myself to commit to our relationship

C: Not moving in with my boyfriend
T: That means we cannot create a foundation for a long-term relationship
F: Sad
A: I blame myself for this not happening. I don’t fully commit to our relationship. I complain about not developing a deeper bond with my partner.
R: I won’t allow us to create a foundation for a long-term relationship

I then decided to make an intentional model if not moving in with him, and this really heleped:

I.M.

C: Not moving in with my boyfriend
T: The development of our relationship doesn’t depend on us moving in together.
F: Clear
A: I still invest in our relationship. I can enjoy my time with him even when not living together. I don’t feel over responsible for our relationship.
R: I trust our relationship to keep developing despite us not living together

I considered a few other I.M. about moving in with him and discovered that I can really choose to think way different thoughts if having again the C line as “moving in”.

I.M.

C: Moving in with my boyfriend
T: I choose to live with him despite our relationship not depending on it.
F: Calm
A: I take my time to move in, I do not pressure myself about having to feel a certain way, and I don’t feel over-responsible for our relationship.
R: I trust my choice.

C: Moving in with my boyfriend
T: This will be an adventure!
F: Curious
A: Open to what can happen when we move in. Excited about decorating the house. Excited about the possibilities I have when living in the city again (teaching closer to the house, bouldering more often, seeing friends more often).
R: I create for myself an adventure I want to live

C: Moving in with my boyfriend
T: I don’t know how this will look like if I don’t try
F: Curious
A: I open myself to creating a new life together. I trust that I can create a beautiful place for us to live. I explore this as a chance to be creative.
R: I am open to try and see how this will look like

Here I changed my C line, and also felt very calm about it.

C: Feeling scared about moving in with my boyfriend
T: It is normal to be scared.
F: Acceptance
A: I don’t expect myself to be 100% committed from the beginning. I allow myself to feel the feels – the fear, the sadness, the missing-my-ex-home. I communicate how I feel with my partner.
R: I can navigate the fear instead of being blocked by it.

These models really helped me realising that
A) I don’t have to move in with my boyfriend because our relationship does not depend on it.
BUT
B) I can be curious about moving in with him. I enjoy adventures and if I think of this as one, I can feel curiosity and be open for whatever comes my way.
AND
C) I can still feel fear and do it anyway.

I feel so much love and acceptance towards myself now 🙂

Answer:

Yes. Yes. Yes. You have so much choice in both how you approach your decision and the decision you ultimately make about moving in with your boyfriend. This is some excellent self-coaching, and I hope you can honor that in yourself! Now that you know you have so much freedom to choose, what is going to be your next step in this process and where do you notice that you need support or clarity? We are overjoyed to hear that this was helpful for you and when you are ready to bring more to AAC, we are so ready to help you navigate whatever it is.