To move or not to move!

Hi hi!

Hope this question finds you well!

In 2019 my husband and I moved to the Suffolk countryside from London where we both grew up and have lived for 34 years.

We wanted to move away from the crazy pace of the city and to have a quieter more relaxed life. We have set up our gardening business here and it’s doing well, we have a lovely home and we are currently pregnant with our first child. So all good stuff!

However, I often find that I have many doubtful thoughts about living here.

The thoughts usually are:
“Am I too isolated in the country? Have I cut myself off from society because I’m scared of people? Am I a freak”
“ will I ever make friends here?”
“Should we move nearer a different city so there are more activities we can take part in and have a chance of a better social circle?”
“Should we down size and use the extra money to invest in a business”.
“Should we move back to London where I have all my friends and support which is so important for when I have the new baby?”

As well as those thoughts I also have conflicting thoughts of:

“I’m pregnant I don’t want to move, I want to nest”
“Our house is amazing and I’m very comfortable here.”
“I will make friends it just takes time. I also have made some friends, they are just not my age”
“I prefer being away from the city and being surrounded by nature”
“ I wouldn’t like to live in London again. I go regularly and whenever I’m there I want to leave asap!!”
“I’m sure I can find support here for when I have the baby”

My question for the coaches if how do I distinguish between what thoughts are correct and what thoughts are just fearful. I worry that some thoughts arise from some old conditioning of not trusting that I’m doing the right thing.

I often doubt myself and my current life situation. I find myself regularly changing things to try to improve as a person, only to be met again by more questions and doubts of whether I’m doing the right thing or not. I feel like this follows me wherever I go, no matter how much I change my environment or my situation, I have a deep lack of trust and self worth in myself.

I want to be able to just feel good day to day and happy with where I am. I want to be able to make decisions that I’m at peace with and not get so confused as to what I should be doing. I want to feel rested and not feel like I need to keep changing things to become a better person. I want to feel like less of a freak.

At the same time, I feel a forceful drive deep within to keep evaluating what i want in life and to be aware if I want something different in order to quickly go for it, change and improve. Life is too short to waste!!

I think the feeling of distrust I have for myself comes from where I was seen as an “underachiever” at school. I was an undiagnosed dyslexic and teachers back then didn’t recognise dyslexia. Unfortunately you were made to feel bad , lazy or stupid instead. I was conditioned to think that I was less then others and always doing something wrong. I think this is why I constantly reevaluate whether I’m doing enough or if I should be doing more. Whether want I am doing is perceived by others as not good enough.

How do I learn to trust myself?

How do I balance myself, make decisions that I can just be happy with?

How do I stop the feeling that everyone is watching me and judging me?

How do I work out what thoughts are true and what aren’t?

How do I balance ambition with being happy right now and investing in where I am right now?? Not overlooking it and going on to the “next big thing”

As you can see I have MANY question and I’m all confused….. any help would be marvellous!!! This subject of doubt and moving house has been plaguing me for a couple of years now and it’s really weighing me down .

Many thanks for your reply it means the world to me and I can’t tell you how appreciative I am for this space.

Lots of love xxxx

 

Answer:

Such good work on your awareness. Thank you for bringing your questions here so we can help you. When making decisions, there is no right or wrong answer. We just get to choose. Any circumstance will have comfortable and uncomfortable parts. When deciding on the move, you have recognized these pros and cons already. And you made a decision already. It’s normal to question it because our brains like what’s familiar. It will offer to you that going back would be easier and better. Now that you have coaching tools, you know that’s not true.

You are an adult and can absolutely change your circumstance any time you want, for any reason. However, we suggest that you take the time to come to a clean place in your mind with where you live. That means you learn to love it and recognize that where you live doesn’t control your happiness. And then you just look at what you value most, and what you prefer, and you make a decision from there. It’s the difference between NEEDING to move so you can feel better, and wanting to stay or go with confidence that you can be happy in either place.

Learning to be confident in decisions is one of the best tools we get in coaching. What would be different for you if you were feeling confident about your decisions? Bring back what comes up for more coaching