Toxic work colleagues

I have been working at an international organization for the last four years. I enjoyed it a lot in the beginning as it felt I was involved in meaningful work but I would say for the last year, and in particular the last months, I can’t shake the feeling that I have outgrown the environment there and have hit a ceiling in terms of learning. Aside from the work, the organization is highly hierarchical with the more senior management staff at the top and the consultants (me) providing assistance. Recently, I have been facing real challenges with one senior colleague in particular, let’s call her Valerie. Valerie is around 20 years older than me and I cannot help but think that she feels threatened by me and wants to keep me small. She tries to assert her dominance over me by trying to keep me away from interesting projects, when providing criticism on work papers, she is highly critical but in an unconstructive way. Recently, I heard the rumor that she was badmouthing me behind my back while my new work contract was being negotiated. I recently authored a paper that she edited (which is part of her job) and she said she wants it to be published with her name on it too since she ‘really had to think for this one and put effort into it’. I try to avoid her as much as possible and try not to take things personally, but it really seems like she dislikes me (or my youth, or what i represent to her idk) on a personal level and not just professionally. While I have stood up for myself in certain instances, e.g. insisting on working on the projects she tried to keep me away from (which she had no involvement blocking, since she is not my supervisor), it feels difficult to set boundaries as the work culture suggests to just swallow it and submit to the more senior person. I am applying for new jobs as I really feel it is time for a change, but in the meanwhile I was wondering whether you have any suggestions/tips on how to stay positive and set clear boundaries in a work environment that no longer feels like a healthy place to be.

 

 

Answer:

C: Valerie is a senior colleague

T: It really seems like she dislikes me

F: attacked

A: criticize her criticism/feedback, avoid her, badmouth her behind her back, judge her for her age, feel threatened by her,  defensive, hyper aware of what she’s doing,

R: I don’t like me

Notice how when you think she doesn’t like you, you act in a way that doesn’t feel good. Often we think we don’t like certain people, but what we really don’t like is how we show up in relation to them. This is all just good information to be aware of.

What do you want to feel towards Valerie even if you keep everything you said here as truth. She’s threatened, she doesn’t like you, she is keeping you off of projects,etc. It sounds like she’s pretty miserable at work, too.

You get to feel your feelings, not her. What sounds like it would be a more positive experience while you find another job?