Travelling by myself & Making decisions

I am going on a business trip in Asia, travelling abroad is part of my job. Especially for trips so far away, I found out it is common for colleagues to extend their stay and take days off. I was always afraid to do that so it doesn’t look like I profit from this trip. This year after 2 years without travelling, I decided to extend the trip by 10 days where I will take off and pay for the expenses myself. Instead of being happy about it, I spend quite a long time making the decision and after finally booking the trip – I had a sleepless night worrying about it. There are two issues that kept me awake. First I will travel for 10 days to Indonesia by myself, I prefer travelling with other people. Second is all the opinions of family and friends that I cannot seem to not listen to. I tried working it out in a model with 2 different thoughts. The reason why I am asking for some coaching is that I cannot seem to go out of this indecisive alert state – which makes me anxious and doesn’t let me concentrate on anything else. I keep telling my brain that it is just a trip and we will enjoy it but my state is still fight or flight for the past couple of days.

Model 1
C: The description above: work trip abroad + taking days off for myself.
T: I will not enjoy travelling alone for 10 days.
F: I feel anxious.
A: I am indecisive, taking a lot of time to decide when and how to go. And how much time to allow myself to be there. I close the tab and open it again, I double-check the dates 100 times. I think: I shouldn’t have taken so many days off. I am starting to think ‘what if I will be lonely and bored by myself’. I dream about everything going wrong. I stress about safety while travelling. I spiral into negative thoughts and I cannot be excited about this trip that I waited for 3 years and couldn’t stop talking about.
R: I book the trip. I am anxious now thinking I might have made the wrong decision. I think and plan and plan again and keep my mind busy with all the ‘negative’ emotions.

Model 2
C: same circumstance
T: I need the opinion of my friends, family and partner to make a decision (socialised as female always seeking out the opinion and approval of others).
F: I feel overwhelmed.
A: I call my family and ask their opinion on my trip. During dinner, I talk to my boyfriend about staying longer. I doubt my decision, some people say I will for sure be bored, why did I decide to stay that long, others say go and enjoy yourself. Who should I listen to? Who is more right about what will happen and how I will feel? I change my mind about the trip and rediscuss with my family and friends. I blame myself for taking this time for myself. I see confirmation from these people that I am making the right thing.
R: I let the opinion of others interfere with my decision. I take very seriously their thoughts about me and make them mean something about myself.

Thank you so much!

 

 

Answer:

Separate what’s happening in your mind and what’s happening in your body. You are trying to calm your nervous system by getting other people’s opinion and it’s not working. *spoiler alert…it never works.*  Especially when other people are questioning your choices. Take care of your nervous system first. Use your favorite technique to calm it down to the point you feel you can access thoughtwork.  Be compassionate, it’s understandable to be nervous about a solo trip to another country when you have many thoughts about it.

To calm your mind understand that it is just doing it’s job. Your lower brain is designed to question the unknown and keep you safe in the cave. But you don’t want to stay in the cave, you want to visit Asia. You know how I know that? Because you booked the trip. The decision is made. Now you just get to do it and make it what you want. Think about future you, at dinner with everyone who had an opinion, telling stories about your trip. What do you want to say? How do you want to feel? What pictures will be showing them? Who will you have met along the way (question the part where you think you’ll be alone)? Explore from that place and see what comes up.