Turning 40

Hello,

I’m looking for some sort of guidance/model on how to navigate the next few months on the run up to turning 40 please. I don’t have children, nor do I have a hugely successful career. I think being surrounded by people who have kids has made me feel a little isolated over time & lacking in purpose. I am a yoga teacher, have a lovely husband, a small group of lovely friends & family i’m close to, but still have this deep sense of anxiety about turning 40 & not having made something big of my life. I feel like having PMDD has hindered me a lot, two weeks of every month feeling fatigued & incapable has taken its toll. For some reason I feel like i should have something to show turning 40, I can’t stop comparing myself unfavourably to people around me & in the media. I also feel pressure to celebrate – but deep down i’m telling myself there isn’t anything to celebrate.

 

 

Answer:

Did you know it’s ok to not want to celebrate turning 40? You are an adult and you get to do whatever you want. You always have a choice. If you need permission to not party this year, you have it. It’s also ok to grieve the things you may have thought you would have by this age. There is clean pain around noticing the abscence of some things you would like to have. What would be different if you gave yourself permission to be sad about it for a little while? We often try to talk ourseves out of grief, but it’s a beautiful and powerful emotion that heals when we use it on purpose.

There is also dirty pain here in your story and that’s the part where you are comparing and telling yourself there is nothing to celebrate. When we see this happening, we can catch our brain and gently tell it to stop offering you these stories. What do you really want? Make a list of 50 things you want and 40 of them are things you already have. The other 10 are things you allow yourself to believe you can create, not knowing the how. Be open and let yourself tap into your inner wisdom.

As you start playing with all of this, start working on just the very first part of the model you want as as you move towards your birthday. That is C: x date is my 40th birthday

Right now that is loaded and not neutral, but a birthday is just a date on a calendar. Set your brain to search for evidence of how this date means nothing. See what comes up and bring it back for more coaching.