Unable to define my goals

I have been avoiding catching up on the Autumn workshop because whenever I think about what goals I want to set I just come up empty. It doesn’t mean I don’t have anything I want to achieve, it doesn’t mean I don’t have a dream of what life could be like if I set some goals, and it doesn’t mean I don’t think up big plans in my head in shower. It just means that when it comes to writing down a concrete goal, my mind goes blank and I come up with nothing. I am avoiding the Autumn workshop because I don’t want to feel empty because I can’t set a goal.

What I do achieve really well is endless To Do Lists. I have them for work, I have them for home and I have them for various outside interests I have. My day is driven by my To Do list and I find I prioritise things on the To Do list over anything else, including having fun. I have always been good at being organised (something my Mum drilled into me) and lists were a way of achieving that. I also had a stroke just after my 30th birthday which has impacted my memory function and I do have to write things down otherwise I do have a tendency to forget to do important things like when to collect my kids from after school activities, doctors appointments etc

I also feel reluctant to set goals as I feel like it will just add more to my to do lists and I don’t look forward to that prospect.

Sometimes when I feel like I should be doing something productive but can’t focus, I will sit and review, re-order and re-prioritise my to do lists in order to feel like I have done something important and productive.

I really want to stop having a life driven by what is on a to do list. I always put more on for each day than I can realistically achieve so end the day feeling bad and I feel like I am excluding other things in life because I feel like I am compelled to stick with what is on the list.

Could my overly structured day be the reason why I can’t set a goal?

 

Answer:

I think you said it perfectly…the reason you don’t want to set a goal is because you feel empty when you think about setting a goal. That being said, you do want things, and wanting something is a perfectly good reason to set a goal. If your life wasn’t driven by what is on a to-do list, what would that mean for you? What would your life be driven by? And in what ways is this a goal?
Lastly, something we did in TFC this summer was practising wanting. If you haven’t yet, give episode 90 of the podcast a listen and check out the summer workshop in the call replays (these calls were recorded in July). There’s a workbook that pairs with the summer workshops that you can find here that will help you practise wanting. I wonder what doors this will open in your life…come back when you’re ready for more coaching on this with a part 2.