Uncomfortable conversations with parents

Hi
Another topic that came up on a recent holiday with my dad was around his relationship to us through the lens of our mum. She couldn’t come away with us due to her health. But a discussion came up about her giving me the silent treatment in the past for long periods, and why my dad never did anything about it.
He claimed not to have known, which was shocking and disappointing to me. It was also very clear that his loyalties very much lie with her – and his approach has always been that we should be the bigger person (my sibling and I).
I’m glad we had a chance to talk about this, although I wasn’t the one who bought it up – and found it quite shocking and destabilising. I have a fear of things falling apart again, after going through periods of estrangement with family in recent years. I’ve made the conscious decision to move forwards and let go in order to do that. So yes I found this quite scary.
I’m not sure how to process this new information about him. He’s always been the quieter parent, and there has never been direct confrontation with him. But it has hit me that this passivity in itself has been harmful, because he never acted to stand up for or protect us.
I don’t know how to process this, and not let it change the way I see him, and be ok with things. Any tips on managing my mind on this much appreciated.
Thank you

 

 

Answer:

 

What’s the problem with changing the way you see him? Why is it a problem if you’re not okay with things? In what ways is this an opportunity to evolve your understanding of your family and your father in particular? If you used this as a time to peel back a layer to understand your father better, what emotions or qualities would you want to bring to that experience?