Uncomfortable conversations with parents – part 2

Thank you for your coaching on this. I have realised that I’ve put my dad on a bit of a pedestal perhaps… seeing him as a good cop to my mum, bad cop. But he is just as complicit, in both active and passive ways. This is useful because pedestals aren’t real, and it’s perhaps part of building a closer and more real relationship with him. I’d like to bring compassion and love into that, for both of us. And also safety and trust in myself.
But something interesting that has also come up, is that I seem unable to direct anger at either of my parents. I think this links to fearing that they will take away their love (see my other ask a coach on models of seeking support for further context).
Instead, in this specific situation of the conversation with my dad, I have found it much easier to direct the anger towards my sibling for instigating the conversation. I realise this is most likely because I don’t think she will ever take away her love, and feel safe in that.
But I would like to be able to express my feelings healthily and safely with my parents , including anger, or feelings of disappointment.
Do you have any advice on this?
Many thanks

 

 

Answer:

C:

T:

F:

S:

A:

R: I express my feelings healthily and safely with my parents , including anger, or feelings of disappointment.

What would this model need to look like in order for you to reach this goal? What actions can you take to get there? What feeling do you want to drive you? What thought can help you?

What obstacles do you see that will block you from achieving this goal?

One that I will suggest is being unwilling to be uncomfortable. It’s like our brains say “I want to be able to express anger to my parents but not feel anxious or guilty or any uncomfortable emotion. And I only want to do it if I know they will react exactly how I want them to, which is….”  So often it can be really empowering to address this in your intentional model.  See what you find.