Understanding and Managing Anger and dog/child care

Hello Coaches!

This is a touchy subject for me that i’ve only been open about (to myself, to friends) the last year.

I get really angry and can act out on that in physical ways (grabbing, pulling, pushing, squeezing, lead yanking). That felt awful to say.

I know it hurts the dogs in the moment – yet i do it!! I don’t want to hurt the dog before or after the moment. I also know that it is NOT a healthy or effective training method.

First time I remember doing this, I was 11 years old to a pet rabbit who scratched me really hard. I’m 29 today. Last time was just today when a dog i’m looking after kept jumping up at me and hurt me, but also when they just didn’t listen and i KNOW they heard me and know the command.

It happens in dog care a lot (in moments of perceived ‘insolence’ and ‘disrespect’). And i’m worried that it will come up in child care (OK well… it hasn’t yet for the child care i’ve done up to 4h each time, but who knows for longer period and that scares me so much!!!). In any case, I WANT and NEED to sort through it for the dog care alone. I don’t want to treat them in any aggressive ways 🙁 I’ve always felt bad about it and I hold those instances so heavily in me.

OK. Successes: Opening up about it, chipping away at the shame. Accepting this is a part of my behaviour, and no longer imagining myself a sociopathic monster who can’t ever improve. I am so much better at noticing it it in the moment, and i now always notice it immediately after, and choosing to let go of the situation for a minute while i breathe and calm down.

OK. Challenges: I still sometimes dont notice it in the moment. I still mostly don’t do my breathing to calm and centre. In the moment, i’m struck with the idea that if i don’t follow through with the command i set then I’m the one whose backed down and ‘lost’. Whereas what i need to do is recentre and then reassess.

Thoughts I have during the outbursts:
In reaction to percieved insolence /disrepect: RRAAAAAAAAA!!!! I told you to do this and you’re not. This is not OK. You should do exactly what i say and when.
In reaction to confusion: F***s sake. You KNOW how to do this. Just DO IT.

Big cringe to this. Still lots of shame

Ideas for solution / my intentions with this
I want to understand the WHY to my anger and behaviour.
I want to encourage my curiosity for the behaviour of the dog and putting less meaning/ heaviness to it
I want to keep working on noticing it in or after the moments, and breathing into it to centre myself
I want to keep it an open topic and not shut down in shame / fear about it
I want to build my confidence in animal care and child care

Do please help 🙂
I’m also using other avenues on this. But i’m grateful to have Flow collective coaching on it

 

 

Answer:

 

We are celebrating you for opening this door and being willing to be vulnerable here. What stood out to me most in your post is that you said, “I need to recentre and reassess.” What do you think that would look like for you in the moment? Think about the things you’ll notice, the things you’ll say to yourself, the things you’ll feel, and the things you’ll do to create an opportunity for you to recentre and reassess. What comes up for you when you create your vision and come back to us so we can keep coaching on this.