unearthing IM about being a woman

Dear AAC coaches,

I´ve been doing some thought work on being a woman because it dawned on me that my gender identity was tied to many unhelpful thoughts.
A bit of background that came up: Observing the women in my life, aka my mother, grandmother, even other girls when growing up, it felt like having flipped a coin and having lost because I was a girl not a boy. boys got to have more fun, be roudy and loud, be more active, noone caredd if they were tiddy or had their hair done, men had much more intersting lives and power. I associated being a girl with having to comply with stupid rules, boredom, staying indoors, playing small, being less worthy, being powerless, being held back from adventures, having a comparatively limited and boring life. In a nutshell, I was not impressed and disappointed already as a kid. Today, I still observe and am annoyed by how normal it is for my female friends to downplay themselfes, adhere to whatever the kid/husband/pet/household needs first and putting themselfes last, invest all of their time and energy into the wellbeing of their family, trying to perform at their work while neglecting themselves. Meanwhile, it is the men whom I observe to go all in, go big, downplay their mistakes (not themselves), expect and receive a TON of support by everyone around them and progressing on their goals and dreams.

No wonder I have a quite negative IM about what it means to be a woman. I want to change this and would love your coaching on that.

IM:
C: I am a woman.
T: I have to compensate for being a woman to have the life I want, aka work extra hard for what I want (aktive, successfull, powerful, wealthy, free, etc. life)
F: sadness, disappointment
S: pressure in my back, a sense of not being safe
A: I ignore the needs of my body as far as possible, I try to “keep up” with what I beliefe to be high expectations, while I rebel against the expectations regarding women ( yep, I do see that contradiction here)
R: I pay a high price for what I want, deep down I feel exposed and unsafe to just be, I devalue typically female aspects like preiods, having kids, I am annoyed and triggered by the huge limitations of women that chose to be mothers around me.

I´ve been uncovering an IM that feels true to me (which was an emotional process, thanks for the material on nervous system and emotions).

IM:
C: I am a woman.
T: My worth is not determined by my gender. However, being a woman is a gift that is waiting for me to uncover and enjoy it. I got burdened with a lot of shitty programming re being a woman, which I can change.
F: curiosity, love, relief
S: warmth in my heart, relaxation
A: I am true to my self and my needs regardless of external expectations. I trust in knowing what I need to do/be and not to do/be at the right time. Therefore, I perceive and tend to my needs.
R: I am curious about what it is like to be a happy, healthy, ressources, wealthy, powerful woman on my own terms. I enjoy the result. I tell external or unreasonable expectations and judgements to fuck off. I´m ok with other people not necessarily liking this version of a woman. This makes me the first woman to truly unburden herself from toxic programming and live life on her terms in my family line, which I accept with grace.

 

Answer:

 

What cool reflections and introspection you’ve been doing. When you look at the gap between your UM and your IM, what’s the distance like? Is it a big leap or an easy jump? Regardless, what does your intuition suggest that you do to help yourself bridge the gap, so to speak?