Unintentional Model – Asking for Help – 28.03.25

C:
I need help hanging a painting (again), and I consider asking [him] for help.
T:
“I’m asking too much.”
or
“He’s probably tired of helping me.”
or
“He’s going to think I’m needy.”
F:
Guilt, Shame, or Slight Anxiety
A:
• Hesitate or delay asking.
• Overthink how to ask or how to word the message.
• Maybe don’t ask at all.
• If I do ask, I apologize or try to minimize the ask (“Only if you have time!” “I know I’m aksing so much, sorry!”).
• Feel indebted again.
• Feel uncomfortable during the help itself.
• Possibly disconnect emotionally from the moment.
R:
I reinforce the belief that I’m a burden.
I limit how much support I allow myself to receive.
I create distance, even when support is available.

Answer:

This looks like a pretty good model; to simplify your models in the future, do one thought per model to really see how each thought impacts you emotionally, and what actions you take from that emotion.

When you look at this model, what do you notice about yourself? Notice if you feel anything soften when it comes to witnessing the version of you that thinks these things. What do you think this version of you needs when it comes to asking for help?