Unlearning acting based on not truly showing up as myself

I have been taught that you get through life by carefully curating what you tell whom, strategically placing information and not showing up as how I really feel. Additionally, I learned that it wasn’t safe to make mistakes because they would usually lead to a response from my parents that would drench me in shame and guilt. It has led to me being terrified of being found out by people, caused me a lot of stress by having to manage this intricate web of information and to me losing touch with how I feel. Realising all of this was a huge step for me and came with a lot of anger about having been taught those behaviours. I am learning to show up fully, but am finding it very difficult emotionally as anxiety will often send me spiraling. How would you suggest I take it from here?

 

Answer:

First thing is first. Give yourself a healthy dose of compassion. It’s tempting to believe that we either show up fully authentically all at once or we’re showing up as fakes and phonies, but that’s not true.  That’s just a story we tell ourselves. It is possible to uncover bits and pieces of ourselves as we start to understand and love them slowly and over time. I am willing to wager that you are showing up as authentically as you know how to at this point, and that deserves recognition and celebration. You are right where you’re meant to be.

Secondly, let’s get curious about your anxiety without judging it. What do you think about it and why do you think it sends you spiraling? Getting curious about this will allow you to have a different perspective, and help you begin to tease out your thoughts about anxiety. When you start to understand it, you can start to entertain ideas about how to change your experience of it. Come back to us with what you discover for more coaching in a submission titled “Anxiety Spiral pt. 2”.